HOOKING YOU GOOD

Deni Dietz

I'm planning to update my website soon. Pick yourself up off the floor, please.

In truth, I update my website every time I have a new book due out. I put up the new book's cover and cover copy and reviews and a link to an excerpt which I hope will hook you good, and perhaps compel you to buy the book or check it out of the library.

At the same time, I update my "appearance schedule". . .I'm always woefully behind on that, usually thinking about it when I'm at the booksigning or conference. And maybe this time I'll remember to update my bio, since according to my website bio, I'm still living in the 90s.

And then there are those new photos for my photo gallery. . .

So, readers of Dead Guy, what kind of website do you like best? What do you want to find there? Will you visit if I add bells and whistles (literally)? Recipes?

Only kidding about the recipes. I'm a lousy cook.

And now, just for grins, here are my TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR READERS. [If you've seen them before, please forgive me. If you haven't, I hope they bring a smile to your face.]

1] Thou shalt not skip to the end of the book, unless thou do not plan to read the middle.

2] Thou shalt not skip the Prologue (some author worked damn hard on it, even if it turns out to be superfluous).

3] Thou shalt not slap thy forehead with the heel of thy hand when thou cometh across the umpteenth "that" for "who" and "less" for "fewer" and "it's" for "its." And throwing the book at the wall is psychologically satisfying but physically damaging, especially to the wall.

4] Thou shalt not send thy favourite author a chastisement email, saying that Tony Curtis was born in the Bronx, not Brooklyn. I knoweth he was born in the Bronx, okay? It was a goof, okay? And a throw away line ("He looked like Brooklyn's own Tony Curtis"). Deal with it, okay?

5] Thou shalt not apologize for using the library, rather than buying CHAIN A LAMB CHOP TO THE BED. Repeat after me: "Libraries are good. Librarians are fun people. Libraries buy books. Authors get royalties on those books."

6] Thou shalt talk about books, especially on DorothyL, in a thoughtful, honest manner. Negative reviews might momentarily hurt, but they are very helpful to an author (as long as  the negativism doesn't include Tony Curtis's birth borough).

7] Thou shalt try not to cringe too loudly when thou recommendeth a book to a co-worker and he says, "I don't have time to read," then discusses the latest episodes of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" around the water cooler.

8] Thou shalt not let thy dinner burn while engrossed in THE RABBIT FACTORY by Marshall Karp or AS DOG IS MY WITNESS by Jeffrey Cohen. On the other hand, it's okay to let dust bunnies play soccer in your living room whilst thinking: No animals were hurt in the writing (and reading) of this book.

9] Thou shalt not scream "Noooooo!" in a crowded movie theatre when "they" (producer? director? scriptwriter? Clint Eastwood?) change your favourite book into something that is not only dumbed down but makes no sense whatsoever.

10] Finally, keep reading books. Please! Without thou, I would undoubtedly have to go back to waiting tables.