by Barbara Poelle
I am returning from a conference in Wisconsin (thanks to Nate and Debbie! You were -say it with me- delightful!) followed by a wedding in Napa, California with a 48 hour turn around before I leave for Atlanta. I am fairly certain only space monkeys can withstand being hurtled through time and space the way I am. I have a feeling that at any minute all of my internal organs are going to liquefy and pour out of my anus. But EVER ONWARD!
With all of this airtime I am getting a lot of reading done, so that is excellent, but I still can’t help but notice how certain things about traveling rub me the wrong way. Here is a brief top ten list:
1. I am wary of the constant consumption of Zyrtec and Benadryl necessary as each city provides new and interesting ways to kill me. I am like Judy Garland meets that wheezy kid in elementary school that always got hit in the face with the kickball.
2. Why hasn’t evolution taken care of that weird head lolling hazy doze off followed by the neck nearly snapping due to the ricocheting weight of the drooping skull? Not a fan. I repeat: Not. A. Fan.
3. How come Husband can’t understand that when I am co-piloting the rental car I might be saying left but I am POINTING right, so CLEARLY he should go right?
4. What IS that smell that permeates everything in your suitcase after a single night in a hotel? It’s a strange cocktail of potting soil, flatulence and panic.
5. Headsets: $2. Sandwich: $8. Husband missing his flight to the wedding? Priceless.
6. I may have accidentally forgot we were in the Bay when I commented in a restaurant how awesome it was that the Vikes beat the Niners on Sunday, but why was it necessary to “Boo” me?
7. Who is the pilot kidding when he gets on the mic and says, “Sorry about that folks, it got a little bumpy there for a minute…” The entire row ahead of me is sprayed with their own vomit and tears and I am crawling around with a soda can collecting my molars off of the floor.
8. At what point does my ereader actually have the capacity to bring down a 747? I think you can ratchet down the hysteria Flight Attendant Lady, I am turning it off already.
9. Who do I have to talk to in order to get the amendment made that when outside of the state lines of origin, CALORIES DON’T COUNT?
10. Why is sitting still and facing forward for 6 hours so frakin’ exhausting?
More musings next week…until then, see you in Atlanta!
