by Barbara Poelle (I had to fire Inga. She took all of my...uh...Pez)
I love the smell of detergent. I love when unexpected people remember my birthday. I love when I am sent a hospitality gift from the hotel and Janet Reid isn’t. But most of all, I love to laugh.
Those of you who have made my acquaintance know that my laugh is much like the tinkling of faerie wings: light, airy, and oh so feminine. (If that faerie is adenoidal and employs flying monkey minions). This weekend I was worked harder than a one armed woman in…wait, my mother reads this. You know what I mean though. But I still managed to find time to laugh.
But I have to say, I have not laughed as hard as I should at some of my non-fiction submissions lately. Where are you? I have this awweeesome snarky project I am going out with now, but I have a feeling I’ll get this one off the table soon (every door until I’m dead, Gable-Collins!) and so now I am itching for a new one. But here’s the thing. I have a total inability to find one of those website/blog books, like Sh*% My Dad Says, or Stuff White People Like, or the LOL Cats. I would like to blame this on losing my thumbs in a corn shucking accident, but the reality is, and I’ve been in enough therapy to finally say this out loud:
I got no interweb game.
I am like a chubby Greek dude hanging in The Viper Room, toggling my head and raising my glass to the ladies but leaving alone AGAIN.
I found FU Penguin about a week too late, I missed the Texts From Last Night people by the gestation period of a Labrador Retriever. Finding a blog book for me is how dating Husband was for the rest of the world: there is a nice period of building interest and then a brief window of opportunity but then BLAMMO, a great white hits from beneath and all the other girls are doomed to wandering, bereft, with their eternal longing.
Generally speaking, I have- how shall we say it nicely?- a limited capacity for competition. Like a sociopathic 900lb gorilla, I don’t care for others in my cage. But in these instances, I am not even in the initial zoo. I am so late to the party that I am still wearing chiffon.
Despite my many many many many attributes, I feel that this is a shameful truth. I am blog-book repellant. But beyond all of this, what I am most looking for is a site that makes me laugh. Because I have all of this free time, you see, and I should be spending it trolling the web and looking at other people's cats.
Any suggestions?
