[PSA: REMEMBER TO VOTE ON TUESDAY.]
by Alison Janssen
CHAPTER ONE
Day breaks outside your shuttered window as you type the two words you've most longed to use into your 500-page Word document:
THE END
This is it!, you think. I've finally done it! My sleepless nights can come to an end, and this novel will make me rich and famous beyond the wildest dreams I would have had if I'd been sleeping at night instead of writing! I'll just print this first draft out, pop it in a box, and send it off to be published by Random House or whoever!
But then you pause, thinking, Perhaps I should read it through once before I send it, just to make sure it's what I intended...
If you hit Print and grab the nearest box addressed to BIG PUBLISHING, go to CHAPTER FIVE
If you hit Print and take out a red pen to get started on edits, go to CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER TWO
Gosh, you think as you turn the pages of your manuscript. (Yes, you think in G-rated terms today, Barbara.) Gosh, I'm proud of myself for writing this book but I sure do use a lot of speech tags. And adverbs. Maybe I should cut some? They are, after all, mainly to show off how big my vocabulary is, and they seem to be slowing down the action, and fostering an authorial attitude of telling, rather than showing.
If you decide to cut adverbs and speech tags, go to CHAPTER THREE
If you decide to leave them in and send the manuscript out to agents as is, got to CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER THREE
Setting down your now-half-spent red pen, you think, Well, that was hard, but not nearly as bad as I feared. And I'm sure this manuscript is ready now to top all bestseller lists from tomorrow until eternity!
Your telephone rings, and it's your mother asking how "that writing you do" is going. Triumphant, you let her know the book is finished, and you're about to send it to tempt agents!
"That's wonderful, dear, but can I read it first?" she asks.
Well, we already have plans to meet for lunch, you think. May as well bring this and let her read it -- I'm sure she'll love it.
After a delicious lunch with your mom, you hand her the adverb-and-speech-tag-edited pages and watch her read. When she nears the end, she proclaims you a genius and your work the best thing she's ever read.
If you take your mother's praise and determine your manuscript is ready to go out, go to CHAPTER SEVEN
If you want to get a non-familial opinion of your work and opt to head to a writing group, go to CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FOUR
Fellow writers in your writing group offer helpful, sound advice, as well as some crazy suggestions. (Really?, you think, I should add a subplot involving a unicorn, a whale, and a sad robot?)
You take their notes home and over several months work through them, revising your manuscript again and again. And again.
New themes emerge within your work, and stronger, more interesting choices present themselves for your characters.
With each successive revision, you go back to trusted readers for feedback and input. You don't take every suggestion, but you think through each comment and look hard at the work you've done.
Then, early one morning, day breaks outside your shuttered window. You look again at the words you typed months ago:
THE END
And you think, This time ... I think it really is ready.
If you decide to email blast every agent you've heard of with the full mansuscript embedded in the body of an email, go to CHAPTER EIGHT
If you start working on a query letter for agents, go to CHAPTER TEN
If you get a case of the nerves, stick the manuscript in a drawer, and think, There's probably more to do, I should just wait a little longer and work on my word choices in that third scene, go to CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER FIVE
The editorial assistant sorts your carefully boxed, unsolicited manuscript into the trash can. Try again!
CHAPTER SIX
At some point, the manuscript has to be finished, or it will never be a book. Don't lose confidence after months of hard work ... Try again!
CHAPTER SEVEN
A kind editorial assistant reads your mauscript through to page ten, thinking it might really "get started" in the next chapter. But then she realizes she has fifteen more manuscripts to get through before morning, and sends a thanks-but-no-thanks rejection email. Try again!
CHAPTER EIGHT
Foiled by Spamfilters! Consult your Writer's Digest or The Worldwide Internet to brush up on your submission guidlines, curate a list of agents who represent your type of novel, and Try again!
CHAPTER NINE
The half-drunk agent hastily downs another chilly shot of vodka and roars angrily, "ASSISTANT! Get out my form rejection letter -- the nasty one -- and get me a pen. I've got some dreams to crush!"
Your manuscript pages float languidly into the trash can. Try again!
CHAPTER TEN
CONGRATULATIONS! You've written a good book! Triumphant music accompanies you as you send out queries.
