Hey, There's A Dead Guy in the Living Room

Happy Halloween

For the past three years, the town where I live has held a scarecrow contest.  Local organizations and businesses are invited to design  scarecrows which are then either mounted to  lamp posts or otherwise displayed in the downtown shopping district.  Everyone is encouraged to vote for their favorite scarecrow and prizes are awarded.  Although I haven't counted, there must be at least three dozen scarecrows on display within a five block radius of the center of town.  The level of inventiveness and whimsy is such that I cannot drive through downtown  without smiling.  As a Halloween treat, I have decided to share some of my  favorites.

 
                                      Violet & Herb (pretty funny)

 
 
                                   Sonny and CherCrow

 
                                          Rockstar

 
 Of course, I couldn't resist taking a picture of the bookworm.

 
 
Mrs. Earth-Ala is made entirely out of recycled plastics.

 
Bolly-Phant

 
Nightmare Before Christmas - another one of my favorite cartoon movies.

 
Julius Caesar is the creation of the high school's Latin students.

 
Mary Poppins

I will let you know if any of my favorites win. 

Facebook & quotations

Robin Agnew

Sometimes I'm puzzled by what the uses of facebook and social networks in general might be, but setting up a page for Aunt Agatha's was one way it made sense to me.  I was struggling to figure out what to post on the page that would make it different from the store website, and I hit upon adding a quote every day.  They vary in popularity - sometimes I'm surprised by what gets a lot of comments, but the pithier ones seem to have more appeal than the "poetic" ones.  In any case, there's no denying that mystery writers are a profound bunch.  Here's a list of our top 10 favorites according to our facebook followers.  Enjoy!

10.  "I have thrown all reason out the window and got knocked up by a manic depressive mobster." - Alexis Davis on GENERAL HOSPITAL

9.  "You would be surprised to know how much unnecessary worry a simple policy of polite disinterest can save one." - More Work for the Undertaker, Margery Allingham, 1948

8. ""No one ever got in trouble keeping his mouth shut." - Fifty-Two Pickup, Elmore Leonard, 1974

7  "Some say life is the thing, but I prefer reading." - A Judgement in Stone, Ruth Rendell, 1977

6.  "Getting kisses out of a woman is like getting olives out of a bottle.  The first may be devilish difficult, but the rest come easy." - The Scarlet Imposter, Dennis Wheatly, 1940

5.   "Coincidence exists, but believing in it never did me any good." - Pale Kings and Princes, Robert B. Parker, 1987

4.  "He's been dragging red herrings around this house until it smells like fisherman's wharf." - The Affair of the Fainting Butler, Clifford Knight, 1943

2.  "The trouble with mornings is that they come when you're not awake." - Three for the Chair, Rex Stout, 1957

3.   ""Horse sense is the instinct that keeps horses from betting on men."  - The Franchise Affair, Josephine Tey, 1948

2.  "Librarians are wonderful people.  They should be in the detective buisness." - The Chinese Doll, William Tucker, 1946

1.  "God, in his bounty and generosity, always creates more horses' asses than there are horses to attach them to." - Metzger's Dog, Thomas Perry, 1983

 

What I Learned From Malcom Gladwell



By Dana Kaye

 

Last week, I picked up a copy of OUTLIERS by Malcolm Gladwell. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the book, Gladwell studies groups of people who have achieved great success - professional athletes, Bill Gates, Oprah, etc. – and finds their commonalities to reach some conclusion about what set these people apart. There are plenty of smart and talented people in the world, but they’re not all making eight-figure salaries.

 

Though this wasn’t the focus of the book, there are plenty of Outlier authors: James Patterson, Stephen King, Sandra Brown Clive Cussler, Dan Brown, etc.

 

Are there hundreds of authors with greater talent? Of course. So why do these books consistently hit the bestseller list?

 

One of my favorite chapters was titled “The 10,000 Hour Rule.” After looking at professional musicians, professional athletes, computer guys like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, the most successful people in any industry had dedicated over 10,000 hours to their practice. Musicians and athletes practice regularly, Gates spent hours, even days, in the computer room at school, even Mozart (who is considered a late developer) didn’t compose his greatest work for 20 years (which is when he reached that 10,000 hour rule).

 

Have Patterson, King, Cussler and the Browns all completed their 10,000 hours? Definitely. Have you? Probably not. The moral? Through all the marketing, promotion, conferences and workshops, there’s no substitution for putting your ass in the chair and writing.

 

Another study Gladwell did – which for newbie authors is more interesting than it is helpful – was with hockey players at a junior league in Canada. All the top tier players were born in January, February or March. Why? Because January is the cut off for age groups, meaning, that if you were born in January or February, you’d be the oldest on the team. At that age, it most likely meant that you’d also be the biggest, strongest, and most mature.

 

Bringing it back to publishing, take a look when most of these big authors are published. Most of them will have either May releases or September. Why? May is just in time for BEA and is before people head out on vacation (where they’ll need a good read). In September, people are back from vacation and will soon be gearing up for the holiday gift buying season. Books that come out in January can have a disadvantage because people are sick of shopping and authors that are promoting a book in August have to fight with readers’ vacation schedules. September and May are also fairly soft media months, so there is more space for authors to get media attention.

 

Timing matters.

 

Even if Gladwell just seems like a curious journalist, many of his theories can be applied to publishing. Check out OUTLIERS or his first book, THE TIPPING POINT, you may look at the industry, even the world, a little differently.

Choose Your Own Adventure: The Writing of a Good Book

 

[PSA: REMEMBER TO VOTE ON TUESDAY.]

 

by Alison Janssen

 

CHAPTER ONE

 

Day breaks outside your shuttered window as you type the two words you've most longed to use into your 500-page Word document:

 

THE END

 

This is it!, you think. I've finally done it! My sleepless nights can come to an end, and this novel will make me rich and famous beyond the wildest dreams I would have had if I'd been sleeping at night instead of writing! I'll just print this first draft out, pop it in a box, and send it off to be published by Random House or whoever!

But then you pause, thinking, Perhaps I should read it through once before I send it, just to make sure it's what I intended...

If you hit Print and grab the nearest box addressed to BIG PUBLISHING, go to CHAPTER FIVE

If you hit Print and take out a red pen to get started on edits, go to CHAPTER TWO

 

CHAPTER TWO

 

Gosh, you think as you turn the pages of your manuscript. (Yes, you think in G-rated terms today, Barbara.) Gosh, I'm proud of myself for writing this book but I sure do use a lot of speech tags. And adverbs. Maybe I should cut some? They are, after all, mainly to show off how big my vocabulary is, and they seem to be slowing down the action, and fostering an authorial attitude of telling, rather than showing.

 

If you decide to cut adverbs and speech tags, go to CHAPTER THREE

If you decide to leave them in and send the manuscript out to agents as is, got to CHAPTER NINE

 

CHAPTER THREE

 

Setting down your now-half-spent red pen, you think, Well, that was hard, but not nearly as bad as I feared. And I'm sure this manuscript is ready now to top all bestseller lists from tomorrow until eternity!

 

Your telephone rings, and it's your mother asking how "that writing you do" is going. Triumphant, you let her know the book is finished, and you're about to send it to tempt agents!

"That's wonderful, dear, but can I read it first?" she asks.

Well, we already have plans to meet for lunch, you think. May as well bring this and let her read it -- I'm sure she'll love it.

After a delicious lunch with your mom, you hand her the adverb-and-speech-tag-edited pages and watch her read. When she nears the end, she proclaims you a genius and your work the best thing she's ever read.

 

If you take your mother's praise and determine your manuscript is ready to go out, go to CHAPTER SEVEN

If you want to get a non-familial opinion of your work and opt to head to a writing group, go to CHAPTER FOUR

 

CHAPTER FOUR

Fellow writers in your writing group offer helpful, sound advice, as well as some crazy suggestions. (Really?, you think, I should add a subplot involving a unicorn, a whale, and a sad robot?)

 

You take their notes home and over several months work through them, revising your manuscript again and again. And again.

 

New themes emerge within your work, and stronger, more interesting choices present themselves for your characters.

 

With each successive revision, you go back to trusted readers for feedback and input. You don't take every suggestion, but you think through each comment and look hard at the work you've done.

 

Then, early one morning, day breaks outside your shuttered window. You look again at the words you typed months ago:

 

THE END

 

And you think, This time ... I think it really is ready.

If you decide to email blast every agent you've heard of with the full mansuscript embedded in the body of an email, go to CHAPTER EIGHT

If you start working on a query letter for agents, go to CHAPTER TEN

If you get a case of the nerves, stick the manuscript in a drawer, and think, There's probably more to do, I should just wait a little longer and work on my word choices in that third scene, go to CHAPTER SIX

 

 

 

CHAPTER FIVE

 

The editorial assistant sorts your carefully boxed, unsolicited manuscript into the trash can. Try again!

 

CHAPTER SIX

At some point, the manuscript has to be finished, or it will never be a book. Don't lose confidence after months of hard work ... Try again!

 

CHAPTER SEVEN

A kind editorial assistant reads your mauscript through to page ten, thinking it might really "get started" in the next chapter. But then she realizes she has fifteen more manuscripts to get through before morning, and sends a thanks-but-no-thanks rejection email. Try again!

 

CHAPTER EIGHT

Foiled by Spamfilters! Consult your Writer's Digest or The Worldwide Internet to brush up on your submission guidlines, curate a list of agents who represent your type of novel, and Try again!

 

CHAPTER NINE

The half-drunk agent hastily downs another chilly shot of vodka and roars angrily, "ASSISTANT! Get out my form rejection letter -- the nasty one -- and get me a pen. I've got some dreams to crush!"

 

Your manuscript pages float languidly into the trash can. Try again!

 

CHAPTER TEN

CONGRATULATIONS! You've written a good book! Triumphant music accompanies you as you send out queries.

 

 

 

Other people's money

Someone once suggested that the main route to a happy life is to decide what you enjoy doing best and persuade someone to pay you to do it.

 Writers are good at the first part. Not that writing is pure unsullied joy; a wise and witty man called Keith Waterhouse once described writing a novel as akin to digging a small quarry with a teaspoon. But I never met a writer who’d disagree that if you’re really a writer, not writing simply isn’t an option. But persuading someone to pay you to do it is another kettle of herring altogether.

 If you’ll forgive me, I’m going to be old-fashioned again for a moment. If you’re going to write (or publish, or for that matter paint, sculpt, perform or play music) as a way of keeping a roof over your head and paying the associated bills, it seems to me that the right way to do it is to write, publish, paint, sculpt, perform or play something that people actually want. This may involve a certain amount of compromise, but hey, that’s real life. And if what you want to do doesn’t pay, there’s always the day job option.

 After last week’s much-trumpeted government spending review here in the UK, there came a whole lot of debate and dispute about whether or not they’d got it right. They hadn’t, of course; governments never do, and armchair pundits would always have made a better job of it. But taken all round, arts organisation don’t seem to be coming off too badly – which is something of a surprise, since arts funding isn’t the biggest of vote-catchers, tainted as it is by accusations of subsidy for 'elitist' - not my word - interests like opera and Shakespeare.

 Leaving that aside (last thing I want is a whole gang of opera-lovers coming after me with an axe), it got me thinking about the whole business of funding and subsidies for arts organisations. (Though I’m not sure business is quite the right word; surely business implies covering its own costs, and maybe even –  shock horror – making a profit.) Sure, a lot of them would cease to exist without the funding and subsidies, and maybe that wouldn’t be altogether a good thing; but I’m never quite sure what makes one organisation more deserving than another.

As a small indie publisher I often gazed with wonder, and not a little envy, at little news items which waxed indignant when another small indie publisher’s Arts Council funding was cut. Oh to have funding that could be cut, I’d think. Once or twice I even thought about applying for some, but faltered when I realised how much time and effort I’d need to expend on jumping through all the hoops and coming up with a proposal that might meet all the criteria – and all with no guarantee of success, because what I was publishing was – shock horror again – commercial!* Heaven forfend that the government might give someone some cash for trying to produce books someone might actually want to buy!

 Take that a stage further: what happens if a small indie publisher starts to do exactly that? Maybe not entirely by cynical design. There’s always a large element of luck involved in success of any kind; I don’t think many people would deny that catching the right eye at the right moment plays a significant part. But what if, for instance, they make it on to several award shortlists, and the books actually start to sell as a result? At what point should the funding be withdrawn, and given to someone who needs it in order to progress towards that happy state?

 The debate could run and run. And for the moment, so could government funding for the arts. Which, taken all round, is probably a good thing. But maybe it does need some thought.

 * Commercial and lucrative are not synonymous. That’s why, having given up the indie publishing lark, I’m still scratching a freelance living, not lying on a beach in the Bahamas.

Latin and London and Love- An Expert Speaks.

by Barbara Poelle

Say it with me:

Benedict Cumberbatch, will you marry me?

Alright, technically since I am already married, I’ll have to offer up someone in utero instead. (Yup, that’s a real Latin term. It means “instead”, like: “They had to assemble the giant sculpture in utero, because it would have been too heavy to move from the workshop."

You’re welcome.)

Okay, I know I am a GIANT nerd, but please tell me that someone out there besides me Sunday night  embraced the sui generis that was the PBS Masterpiece Mystery re-imagining of Sherlock Holmes. (See? That’s another one. Sui generis. It means “goulash of goodness”, like: “This Cosmorita is neither Cosmopolitan nor Margarita, but sui generis: the first and only frosty treat goulashing both.” Oh, yes, and goulashing is also totally acceptable there. And also, totally Latin.)

So OMG, did you not want to just EAT YOUR TELEVISION watching that? So, okay, Benedict Cumberbatch [your brain should insert this sound every time I say his name] plays Holmes and the effervescently irreverent Martin Freeman plays Dr. John Watson and they tackled a variation on the Holmes tale A Study in Scarlet set in a modern day London.

I was aggressively leery when it started- I am a Jeremy Brett fan, and I have been of a school where three things have done so well by me that they should never be modernized: Sherlock Holmes, Jelly shoes, and that game with the hoop and the stick. (It’s easy to play when I am wearing my short pants and this jaunty sailor hat.)But I am changed- CHANGED I tell you! I am sitting here barking and FROTHING, I loved it so much. Yes, yes, there are some fancy jazz-hand devices used, like the on screen visual deconstruction of Sherlock’s thought processes, which I am not sure were totally necessary, but middle management needs their pound of flesh, so fine.   But overall it was a sumptuous, Bacchanalian buffet of quick dialogue, evocative camera wipes, murky filtered lighting and the blank-faced yet feral stares from Benedict Cumberbatch [...] as Holmes.

I am in agony to not see the next two in a timely fashion.  Sunday is Halloween and this hung-over owl costume isn’t going to wear itself. The Sunday after that I am out of the country.  I am morose, bereft, totally ad nauseum (Yep! Latin! It means to feel barfy.)  that I won’t be seeing the second and third  miniseries. I am trying to convince Husband to buy me the box set of all three post haste (No, sorry, not Latin. It’s regular English, meaning “from the mailman who will run as he delivers it”) and he said, “If you can behave yourself.”

What?  I have no idea what he is referring to. Oh, you know what? It miiight have something to do with last night when he wished me good sleepin’ and I said, “I hope so, as long as that [airhorn sound] upstairs keeps her [spring coil bounce noise] mouth closed at 4 in the [old time car horn] morning and I don’t have to go up there and [woodpecker sound] staple her [elephant trunk blast] mouth shut, then yeah, I can see myself having some sweet dreams about you know who.” [...]

But I am sure THAT isn’t what he is referring to.

All In A Day's... I'll Get Back To You

Jeff Cohen

A Writer's Typical Day

(Note: The above does NOT say, "A Typical Writer's Day")

 

7:30 a.m.: Time to get up. This used to be 6:20 a.m., but now both kids are in college and there's no reason to get up and pretend they need help getting out of the house on time;

7:35 a.m.: Begin "reading" the New York Times. "Reading" is in quotes because what's really happening is skimming, looking for bizarre stories to recount to wife, and killing time until the crossword puzzle is the only thing left;

8 a.m.: Crossword puzzle. Do not disturb;

8:20 a.m. (Time will vary during the week, depending on difficulty of puzzle--on Monday, could be 8:10; by Friday, anytime before 9 is a plus): First look at Internet for the day. This includes checking in on Doonesbury (the NY TImes does not carry cartoons of any kind), Twitter, Facebook, DEAD GUY, bank balances--depressing--Sitemeter stats--almost as depressing--and the current status of any and all current books;

8:50 a.m.: Exercise. The less you know, the better;

9:45 a.m.: Shower, change of clothes. Again, you don't want to be there for this;

10 a.m.: Walk dog; Even I don't want to be here for this;

10:30 a.m.: Breakfast;

10:40 a.m.: Check Internet. Who knows, something might have changed;

11 a.m.: First mailbox check of the day--nothing;

11:15 a.m.: Phone calls for newspaper article (if there is an assignment; otherwise, more Internet);

12 noon: Lunch;

12:20: Mailbox check--decent chance there's mail;

12:21: Throw out mail;

12:22: Drive to post office (there's always a reason--in good weather, walk to post office);

12:45: More Internet, including any video links or baseball-related content;

1:30 (or thereabouts): Receive phone calls on newspaper assignment, conduct or schedule interviews;

2 p.m.: Walk dog;

2:30: Write newspaper article (as assignments dictate);

3:15: Close eyes briefly;

4 p.m.: Wake up startled, realize no writing has been accomplished yet today;

4:01: More Internet;

4:30: Look at writing from yesterday, decide it's not as bad as feared;

5 p.m.: Begin writing for the day(translation: stare at screen helplessly);

5:15: Greet wife at front door--dog acts as if he hasn't been walked all day. Dog is a traitor;

5:20: Wife goes out for a run--begin writing (more staring, perhaps a line or two);

6 p.m. Start doing something about dinner, even if it's just getting kitchen ready for wife to cook;

6:45: Dinner;

7:30: Sit down with wife and/or son, watch Jon Stewart on TiVo;

8 p.m.: Maybe Cash Cab, maybe not;

8:30: Wife walks dog--get back to writing;

9:15: Wife and dog return--maybe television, maybe not (during baseball season, Yankees);

10:30: Start writing in earnest;

Midnight: Finish 1000 words on each of two projects, head upstairs for sleep;

7:30 a.m. Repeat.

Being on the receiving end of reading advice, by Dale Spindel

I was waffling between topics to write about this week, but Jeff's  funniest/not so funny lists tipped me in this direction.  Like everyone else who reads or watches television and movies, I am often moved to recommend books, movies or TV programs to various of my friends, acquaintances and family members.  If you know someone well and you have watched or read something that you think they will love just as much as you did, then it almost rises to the level of obligation that you share it with them.   This does seem to be a pretty basic human impulse.

This also means that I will  find myself on the receiving end of recommendations for books, movies and TV programs from my friends, family members and acquaintances.   Many of my library patrons, upon returning a book or DVD, will tell me how much they enjoyed it and strongly urge that I check it out myself.   I  do respect my patrons' opinions and I think that some of them know me and my tastes pretty well.   Nonetheless, I mostly rely on the reviews I read in Publisher's Weekly and The New York Times to figure out what I am going to read or watch next.

Verbal suggestions are one thing, but things become a whole lot more complicated when someone actually puts a book, audio, or DVD in my hand; there is an unspoken but implied expectation that I will commit to reading, listening to, or watching what has been given to me.   In the case of  a gift, there's  a pretty good chance that the person who has given it to me will never mention it again.   However, this is almost never the case when someone has  enthusiastically loaned me his or her personal copy of a particular item.   Not only do I feel an obligation to place it next in my reading or viewing queue, but I also recognize the expectation that I will later report back to the lender regarding just how much  I  too loved that particular book/movie/program.  How do I know this?   I know this because I do it all the time myself.

But what do you do when you are a few chapters into a book or a few episodes into a multi-season television program and you realize that your friend/acquaintance/family member has  misjudged your taste?   Under these circumstances, it's been my practice to finish  books that I wasn't all that crazy about, with the hope that there might actually be a big  plot payoff at the end of the story, even though that's usually not the case.  In the case of television series, I am  far less generous and will give up after an episode or two. 

So then  comes the big dilemma - what to tell the person who has lovingly made the recommendation to you?  When it comes to multi-episode television series, it is pretty hard to fake that you have watched something that you have not, so my course of action is to admit to the lender that I just couldn't get into it.  However, it is my impression that  most people are more emotionally invested in the books that they read than in the shows or movies that they watch so I am not always  comfortable telling somebody that I totally did not care for a book that he or she  loved.  It's hard not to sound condescending as you're telling someone that you didn't enjoy a recommended book because the quality of the writing was subpar or the plot line was predictable, so I will usually just tell the person that I enjoyed the book but without  going so far as to fake a level of enthusiasm that just isn't there.  I realize that this desire to avoid hurting someone's feelings makes me sound patronizing at best and dishonest at worst but I also know how disappointed I feel when someone actively dislikes one of my own recommendations.  

  Only with my husband or  closest friends am I comfortable enough to be brutally honest.

    I didn't have a lot of time to spend on this week's post nor did I do my usual amount of self censoring,so I expect that I'm going to be in for some flak on this one.

The Laws of Retail

Robin Agnew

Lately I've gotten hooked on TLC's reality show, "Say Yes to the Dress."  Admittedly I truly enjoy the girly parts of this show - thinking "NOT that dress" along with the bride's mom or bossy sister - but this is also a show about retail.  Some of the laws of retail are universal, and it's interesting to see them translated into another medium.

For the uninitiated, the half hour show bases itself in a giant bridal salon either in New York City (Kleinfeld's) or Atlanta, and there are usually three brides, two selecting their dresses and one picking hers up at her final fitting.  Usually clips from that bride's wedding are aired.  Both salons have a "fashion coordinator" - in both cases a guy, a guy who flits between brides helping to save the appointments if they are going wrong, "jacking up" the brides (i.e. giving the girl a quick up-do and adding a veil or sometimes jewelry), and pulling dresses for the terminally fashion challenged.  The show starts with some "theme", like getting along with mothers or keeping to a budget.  And then the consultants are off.

As in bridal, tailoring a person's book desires are pretty personal.  While I'm sure the consultants don't love all the dresses they sell, they are still very good at pulling dresses they think their client will want.  We aim for the same goal.  If I'm selling someone a book they fundamentally won't enjoy, I surely won't have a repeat customer (something bridal sales people probably don't have to worry about).  

Bargaining seems to be universal.  While I don't step up and offer a discount to every customer, I often do if it will close a sale.  Especially with hardbacks.  In the bridal world, some of the dresses cost $10,000 (really!) and a discount is often requested.  

On one episode they were having a blow out sale, and the owner "broke" the rules of the sale for the fashion coordinator (see above).  The floor manager was truly annoyed, but she of course had to bend to her bosses will.  Another retail rule: the boss is king.

These women can tell when they aren't making a sale.  In one episode, a consultant was pulled off closing the sale of a $12,000 dress because she was behind for her next appointment.  The next appointment was for a woman who wanted an $1800 dress and she went in the dressing room and locked the door when the consultant went to check on the other bride.  The woman was probably taking pictures of the dress, according to the consultant.  

I had a woman in in the last week or so who asked to see a book from the window - I said "of course" - she then said "Oh, this is so expensive, I can get it at the library."  I was pretty annoyed, but I was super annoyed when the husband came in and said "I can get it cheaper online." When they got out notebook and pen to write down the books' particulars, I asked them nicely to leave, which is basically what the bridal consultant did with the photo takin' bride above.  The woman asked me why I was so unfriendly!  

Relatives often kill a sale.  As in bridal, with the bossy sister or crabby mom, relatives often spoil a sale.  I feel this way if a husband is circling aimlessly while the wife shops, sighing because he wants to leave.  This is never a good sign.  It's even worse if they admit to a) not reading at all; or b) hating mysteries (and what do you say to that piece of nonsense?)

Also as in bridal, when things go well, it's a delight.  There's a lot less clapping in our store (except at author events) but it is a delight when you've met a reader who shares your taste or you know you've found someone the right book(s).  If only we could offer them a veil to go with...

Anyway I look forward to Fridays when there are several episodes on.  The latest incarnation,"Big Bliss", features full figured brides.  I say bravo to the bridal salon in figuring out this niche market.  We're ALL going for a niche.  

They also offer the "Kleinfeld's EXPERIENCE."  I like to think we offer the Aunt Agatha's experience.  I guess it's not for everyone, but it is a specialty.

 

 

 

Quality vs. Quantity

By Dana Kaye

Most of the time, publishing is all about the numbers: book sales, website hits, Amazon ranking, print run, sell through rate, etc. As a publicist, I want my clients’ stat counter reports or Google analytics, I ask them about their e-mail list, I look at their Twitter followers and FB friends.

We all care about numbers.

But I’m quickly realizing that numbers aren’t everything. It’s not about how many followers you have or how many people are on your mailing list or how many bookstores carry your book. It’s the quality of those numbers.

• When you post a poll or question on Twitter, how many people respond or RT?
• When you send out a newsletter, how many people open it? How many people click on your links?
• Your book may not be carried in every bookstore, but the ones that do have it, are they pushing it?
• How many people spend time on your website? Do they click or read multiple pages?

Having a large following isn’t everything. Having a loyal and interactive following is. It’s better to have 200 active twitter followers who are re-tweeting, buying books, and attending events, than 1000 followers who don’t interact or engage. It’s great to have a 5k person mailing list as long as most of those 5k people actually read the newsletter. There’s no point to have your book sitting in every B&N in the country if they just stick it on a shelf in the back where no one can find it. It’s far better to have a bunch of books at a few bookstores where the clerks are recommending your work and shelving it prominently.

So how do you get this quality following? Organically.

Many people troll for followers and add anyone that’s handed them a business card to their mailing list, but that’s not necessarily the best way to build an audience. Using Twitter and FB as an example, the best followers/friends are the ones that connect with you because they like what you have to say. By simply updating with thoughtful, engaging posts, you can attract the appropriate followers.

While publishing has a tendency to focus on the numbers, try to focus on quality rather than quantity, and put your following to the test. If engagement and enthusiasm is low, then it may be time to rethink your promotion strategy.

Pace is not just a salsa.

by Alison Janssen

 

Thrillers aren't the only plots that need good pacing. Every story you tell has a pace, a rhythm that adds to the readers' enjoyment of the reading experience.

 

It's not enough to have a cast of interesting, fresh characters. Nor is it enough to have a plot that loops around to surprise or arcs gracefully to an emotional conclusion. Pace conveys theme as much as any other element of your work, and you *must* pay attention to it.

 

Think about your favorite joke. How important is pace when you tell it? Here's mine:

 

Q: What's the most important thing about telling a joke?

A: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . PACING!

 

It also works like this:

 

Q: What's the most important thing about telling a jo--PACING!

 

I get the sense that some authors think pace only applies when your plot involves terrorists or secret societies and a hidden bad guy cavern full of roboassassins. Yes, pace is key -- in fact, perhaps it's king -- in a thriller novel. But there's plot-pace, and then there's emotion-pace.

 

Emotion-pace is the rate at which your main character (and others, to a lesser extent) can cope with the changes brought on by the events of the story. Emotion-pace has a secondary level, and that's the level where your readers' emotions are engaged.

 

A manuscript with a good emotion-pace is an aria; a manuscript with a poor emotion-pace is a recitiative.

 

 

 

Recitative:

 

Aria:

 

Both tell a story, and both are beautiful. But listeners get so much more from the aria -- the story is told as much in the rhythm, crescendo, and glissandos as it is in the lyrics. Think of your emotion-pace when writing, and imagine it as the soundtrack to your work. Where do you want to rush your readers to a dizzying, scary, sustained high, and where do you want to start a slow build that peaks small and only teases as the emotion to come?

 

 

Call me old-fashioned, but...

You wanted a rant? OK, here’s a rant. I think I can guarantee that some people really will call me old-fashioned after they’ve read this, but I’m not apologising.

 Nor am I offering excuses for sidestepping the crime fiction brief for one week, though I fully intend to draw on my experience of publishing it.

 Husband was looking at his credit card bill over lunch, and I’ve just been checking my bank statement. And while I was slicing cheese to go with my bread, the continuity announcer on the radio was talking about today’s big news story: the government’s spending review, optimistically designed to get the country out of the almighty financial mess it’s in, and sooner rather than later. The jury’s still out on whether it will work.

 The credit card bill and the bank statement had two things in common: one, they told us that we spent far too much on wonderful restaurant meals while we were on holiday, which is probably why we both now need to lose weight; and two, they also told us that banks and their offshoots are still keen to encourage people to live beyond their means despite the economic mayhem that this attitude has already wreaked. (Or possibly wrought; I’m never quite sure.)

 The card bill asked for a ridiculously small payment towards an eye-watering total balance, and waved a stupidly large credit limit at us, as if to say, come on, guys, you’re not spending halfway near enough. The bank statement told me how much I spent last month, how much I actually have left, and how much they’re happy for me to spend. The last figure was £200 higher than the second last.

 And they wonder why people blame them for the crisis we’re just beginning to climb out of.

 My father died about 23 years ago, happy in the knowledge that aside from a mortgage he never owed anyone a penny in his life. I’m not averse to a little risk-taking, but I do like to think I walk in his footsteps on that. That credit card bill will be paid in full, before the due date, and the bank account is still in credit. We made sure the money was there before we spent it. It used to be called living within your means.

 Told you I was old-fashioned.

 Someone is no doubt itching to point out that having run a business that didn’t actually go bankrupt for the past seven years, I must have a passing acquaintance with the concept of credit. Let me think… ah yes, it’s when you supply a customer with the product you’ve slaved over, and they don’t pay you for it for three months; that’s right, isn’t it?

 And yes, OK, the boot fits the other foot too; when someone supplied us with a service, such as printing the books, we went to some pains to persuade them to wait three months before we paid them. So I’m sorry, dad, but running a business meant I couldn’t always quite live up to your high ideals. But those bills always got paid the moment the three months were up; and every penny we invested to get the company up and running was our own, not borrowed from (and therefore owed to) the bank or some venture capital company.

 The business world runs on credit; I’d have to be living on another planet not to have learned that. That’s how it is, that’s how it’s been as long as anyone can remember, and it’s such a deeply rooted system that it’s not going to change any time soon. But is that really a good reason for credit to become a way of life? For banks to offer automatic overdrafts, and credit card companies to set credit limits so dizzily high, and mortgage companies to lend way more than a property is worth?

 That was always a recipe for disaster – so why were we all so shocked when disaster struck? Old-fashioned starts to sound like common sense.

Best. Conference. Ever.

By Barbara Poelle

Sometimes you are boarding a plane coming home from Bouchercon with Husband and in the span of 7 minutes you blow a seam in your pants trying to help the woman in 22A and drop a tub of hummus on the possessions of those around you and Husband is so OVER you, but then the double vodkas arrive and all is right with the world again.

But that's neither here nor there. We all know what's important here today. So, without further ado: My favorite things from Bouchercon 2010

1. This (LOOK AT THAT DRESS!!! KAPOW!!)

2. I got my hands on a copy of WORTH DYING FOR, the next Lee Child installment in the Jack Reacher series, and I luuurve it. (Lee Child was at Bouchercon and it took every ounce of sobriety NOT to jump on his back and ride him around the lobby like a Tyrannosaurus Rex. And I get extra restraint points because I brought a little saddle and everything.)

3. This 

 
 

4. My torrid girl-crush on this man’s wife.  It’s still love even if it’s unrequited.

5. This

6. When I was so dog tired and I DESPERATELY wanted a sip of Tracy Kiely’s coffee and for some reason my brain made me gesture to her cup and say, “Can I put my mouth on yours?”

7. This
(Clearly, she also won for Best Gams)

Huge congratulations to 2010 Barry Award Winning Author JAMIE FREVELETTI and 2010 Anthony Award Winning Author SOPHIE LITTLEFIELD!

Opinions Guaranteed To Annoy You

Jeff Cohen

In no particular order:

 

The Ten Funniest Comedies Ever Made

1. Duck Soup
2. Young Frankenstein
3. Horse Feathers
4. My Favorite Year
5. Bringing Up Baby
6. Tootsie
7. A Shot in the Dark
8. The Producers
9. Singin' in the Rain
10. Sullivan's Travels

NOT:

1. Some Like It Hot
2. There's Something About Mary
3. The Hangover
4. The Pink Panther
5. Look Who's Talking
6. A Day at the Races
7. Knocked Up
8. Dr. Strangelove
9. It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World
10. Caddyshack

The Ten Best TV Shows Ever

1. Hill Street Blues
2. The Dick Van Dyke Show
3. The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (first two seasons)
4. The West Wing (first four seasons)
5. Homicide--Life on the Street
6. Star Trek (NOT the third season)
7. NBC's Saturday Night (Live)
8. M*A*S*H (first four seasons)
9. Sesame Street
10. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

NOT:

1. The Sopranos
2. I Love Lucy
3. Star Trek--The Next Generation
4. Law and Order
5. All in the Family
6. E.R.
7. Seinfeld
8. Lost
9. Murder, She Wrote
10. Mad Men

The Ten Best Mystery Novels Ever Written

1. Yeah, like I'm going to list those.

The Ten Most Overrated Movies Ever Made

1. Gone With the Wind
2. The Wizard of Oz
3. The Hurt Locker
4. Titanic
5. Citizen Kane (dies after its terrific first hour)
6. Lawrence of Arabia
7. Schindler's List
8. The Empire Strikes Back
9. Vertigo
10. Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

(You should have seen the "Most Underrated" List I deleted because even I didn't agree with it.)

 

Unrecognized National Treasures

1. Gene Wilder
2. Jim Croce
3. Phoebe Snow
4. Laraine Newman
5. Susan Werner

Recognized, But Treasures Nonetheless

1. Jon Stewart
2. Paul Simon
3. Robert B. Parker
4. Derek Jeter
5. Carole King

Greatest Acoustic Guitar Performances

1. George Harrison--"Here Comes the Sun"
2. Maury Meuhleisen--"One Less Set Of Footsteps"
3. Paul Simon--"Peace Like A River"
4. Phoebe Snow, Jimmy Vivino--"Big Leg Blues"
5. Paul McCartney, "Blackbird"

 

Go ahead, feel free to argue. I don't even agree with them all myself.

In praise of book groups, by Dale Spindel

Back in the summer of 2002, one of my regular library patrons requested that the library start a book discussion group.   A few weeks later, there were four of us who met in the  activity room to discuss Tell Me a Riddle, by Tillie Olsen.  Six weeks later, more than 20 people showed up to discuss Tulip Fever, by Deborah Moggach, and our book group was  up and running. 

Being the leader of the library's book group has never been  a part of my formal job description and I sometimes have trouble justifying to myself the large amount of time that I devote to an endeavor that serves only a relatively small number of  patrons.  I have tried motivating group members to take turns leading the sessions by establishing the rule that the leader gets to pick the book being discussed, but people have taken me up on this only eleven times during these past eight years.  Aside from reading the book (on my own time, of course) I spend at least an additional hour or two  of prep time on the day of the discussion.  

        By consensus, our group focuses  predominantly on fiction with our discussion of Into the Wild, by Jon Krakaur, standing out as an especially notable exception.  Although our primary focus is contemporary fiction, I will sometimes select books that fall into a  category I have established as "books you probably read in school but were too young and lacking in life experience to fully understand."  This has allowed   us to  take a collective stab at such titles as  The Good Earth, The Great Gatsby, Mrs. Dalloway, and The Sun Also Rises.  And yes, it is a very different experience reading these books again after the passage of thirty or more years.

   So why exactly is it that I love the book group?   Well, for starters, the responsibility of coming up with questions for each session  has, over these past eight years,  made me a much better reader.   I  now pay close attention to examples of beautiful writing that I can share with the group;  the members know that I will  wax especially rhapsodic over a beautifuly composed metaphor or a poetically constructed phrase.    I also pay attention to  story line and character development in ways that I never did when I was reading only for myself and this heightened  appreciation of a writer's skill  now  carries over into everything that I read or listen to on audio.  And if I've really loved a book that I've read on my own,  I will willingly read it a second time so that I can have the pleasure of sharing and discussing it with the group. 

    Because other people have occasionally stepped up to lead , I've gotten to read books I probably never would have otherwise, including Unless and Larry's Party, by Carol Shields, Zorba the Greek, by Nikos Kazantzakis, and  the aforementioned Into the Wild.   On lucky occasions, we've even had authors join us at the table when we've discussed their books; this is how I've gotten to meet Jeffrey Cohen, Shobhan Bantwal, Tom Collichio, and (I still can't believe it actually happened) Jonathan Safran Foer.

    But when asked, I will always say that my favorite thing about the book group is the friendships that it has engendered.   In addition to the core group of  ten who have consistently attended the group  over the past eight years, there have been at least another 25 or 30 people who have been a part of the group at one time or another.  We have gone out to dinner together and organized and enjoyed raucous  holiday parties.  This past June, I was comforted by the presence of  members of the book group who sat together at my mother's funeral, listening as I spoke about the love that she and I had shared for music and books.

    What has always fascinated me about the book group has been its randomness. Our regulars come from six neighboring municipalities but over the years we've had participants from no fewer than ten different communities, all of us drawn together only by  our love of books and  by our desire to amplify our reading experiences by sharing them with others.   The majority of people who come to the group originally did so without knowing any of the other participants; over time I  have had the pleasure of watching many real friendships develop between the various members.  So it was with a real sense of loss and sadness that I learned, only a few days ago, of the sudden and unexpected death of one of our group members, someone who had been with the group since that second meeting.  

It is no small thing that, over the course of eight years, I have shared nearly 70 books with Marian.  Dealing with this type of loss is definitely not something that they teach us how to deal with in library school. 

I had been planning for some time to have this week's blog be about the book group so the fact that I am dealing, for the first time, with the death of a member makes this especially poignant and eerily ironic.

 

Our favorite events of all time

Robin Agnew

Originally, I thought this would be a list of my five favorite author events, but we've been open 18 years now.  That's a lot of events.  Some of these were great just for sheer volume but most of them are memorable or interesting for different reasons.  It's weird to be able to look back so far now - some of these authors have died, or are out of print.  But they live on for me.  This list is (roughly) chronological.

1.  Alzina Stone Dale  Alzina Stone Dale writes "Walking Tour" books, but she also wrote a very nice, concise bio of Dorothy Sayers.  She came to sign it in conjunction with the book club reading of Gaudy Night.  Merely the fact that we were reading Gaudy Night drew a lot of people, but Alzina was so lively and interesting she got people all fired up over her book - we ran out of copies as people (politely, they were Sayers fans, after all) fought over the ones we had.  It was great fun.

2. Craig Holden  Holden's first book, The River Sorrow, got lots of attention.  He was the first author I read about in the paper and contacted out of the blue because I thought he sounded cool.  We didn't have a huge turnout, but he arrived ready to sign in his Burberry trenchcoat.  As did Loren Estleman.  Same trenchcoat.  He came by to "meet the new guy", but I think he was checking out the competition, as Craig had gotten so much press.  What stays in my head are the two of them kind of mentally circling each other, like predatory lions.

3. Kate Ross, Sujata Massey and Lev Rahapel  This was set up by Lev, who is local (sort of), and who said he was bringing along his "friend", Sujata.  Cool friend!  I became a huge fan.  What made it special though was that the stars aligned and Kate Ross, whose wondrous book The Devil in Music had just come out, was able to join them.  It was a nice, casual event, with Lev and Sujata chatting away (Sujata was making fun of Lev's cover, I think) and all of a sudden Kate appeared.  This was not too long before she died, but she radiated intelligence.  She couldn't stay very long, but it was really kind of magical to meet her.  Conversation sort of stopped when she arrived.  If there was ever an author I felt extreme regret about not being able to talk to longer, she was it.  

4. Steve Hamilton This event was also with Lev Raphael, as it happened.  Both of them had new books out - Steve's was A Cold Day in Paradise - and while Lev is pretty comfortable speaking in public, I don't think Steve started out that way.  The event was at a library, and I was sitting there with Lev and the librarian, chatting before the event started, when we saw Steve drive up.  Then Steve drove away.  I make no assumptions, but there was a bar down the street.  When he did show up, he seemed pretty relaxed, though that first signing, it was Lev who did most of the talking.  Of course I wish I'd ordered a couple of cases of A Cold Day in Paradise, but you live and learn.  Steve has since gotten a lot more relaxed about speaking in public!

5. Deborah Morgan  Writer Deborah Morgan is married to Loren Estleman, but when she is signing books, he tends to stay in the background.  Or he makes the gracious attempt.  This was a cozy event with Debi and Sharon Fiffer, who both write about antiques, so the discussion was interesting, and the two women had nice chemistry.  Loren made a few comments from the cheap seats in the back, but it really ended up being a discussion that involved everyone present.  It was a really sweet event.

6. Detroit Noir Launch Party This was a blast because I basically went through the table of contents and started inviting all the local authors.  The editors were friends, and they apparently also got the word out.  The authors I invited and had heard from showed up - around 7 or 8 of them - but then other authors started to show up.  By the time all was said and done, I think we had 15 authors through the door, we ran out of books, and Loren Estleman got black icing on his teeth from the "noir" cake.  We ran out of books around the time the last author, Lolita Hernandez, turned up.  She said, "Did I miss the wine?"  with a real note of panic in her voice.  Thank god we had wine left...this one was fun for the sheer chaos.

7. Megan Abbott and Mitchell Bartoy  While Mitch's books are out of print, he and Megan are pals and they are two of the truest "noir" writers I can think of, and they have a great chemistry together.  They are also two of the smartest writers I can think of.  The evening was topped off (for me at least) with Megan quizzing Mitch about his characters and his need to "imprint them with stigmata."  I think that's the basic gist, anyway.  This was not a well attended event, but it was spectacular.  I still regret that Mitch didn't find a larger audience as his books are really wonderful.

8. Elmore Leonard  Do I need to say more?  He was interviewed, along with his son, Peter, by Loren Estleman at the library, we draw 250+ people, and the evening ended with the 3 men discussing their favorite movies.  

9.  Steve Hamilton, Kent Krueger and Julia Spencer-Fleming  These are three of my favorite writers, the stars aligned, and they were able to all come on the same day.  It was our 15th anniversary of being in business, and we couldn't have celebrated it in a better fashion.   Julia squeaked into town in the nick of time on the notoriously late Amtrak.

10. Deborah Crombie  Again, another all time favorite writer.  I simply love her books.  When I picked her up at the airport, I felt I could die happy.

11.  Louise Penny  The first time she visited (with her second book) she and her husband came and ate dinner with the suddenly very expanded book club before the event.  As anyone who has met Louise and Michael knows, they are two of the nicest people on the planet, the book club fell in love, and I don't think any of us have recovered.

12.  J.A. Konrath introduces Rob Kantner  Rob Kantner is big in Michigan, as his books are set here, and he's notoriously difficult to get to come to sign books.  He's very shy.  The outgoing Konrath, a fan, wrote an intro to Rob's book of short stories, and, even better, he got Rob to show up.  We had a lot of Kantner acolytes at the event, and we had a nice time in the bar when it was over.

13.  Peter Robinson    Peter was just supposed to be doing a noontime "drive by" but when he arrived and saw the 40 or 50 people jammed into the store, his face fell.  He had had a rough morning - early flight, no food, ditsy driver - but when I offered to get him tea and a cheese bun, he started to perk up.  Then when he met the audience, who were in awe of him and immediately started telling him how great he was and how much they loved him, he warmed up completely.  (As who wouldn't?)  I love his books, and I loved having him in the store.

14.  Maureen Jennings and Cordelia Biddle.   I love both women's books but the real highlight was when sweet, kind of shy Maureen got up and sang a little ditty about Hitler in the bathtub.  It was hilarious.  The evening was continued when along with Maureen's husband, Iden, they joined us and my mother at our house for dinner.  The stories were fantastic, and I wish I'd had a tape recorder.

15.  Gerald Elias  Gerald Elias is a concert violinist who happens to also write very good traditional mysteries (though he asked me what that term meant) set in, unsurprisingly, the classical music world.  But the really cool thing about Gerry is that he travels with his "fiddle", in reality an 18th century violin which he played all too briefly.  It was absolutely magical.  Other than the street noise, you could have heard a pin drop in the store.

I'm looking forward to more memories.  Coming up soon is Gary Corby, a fellow ice skating fan who happens to have a new book out about Ancient Greece, The Pericles Commission.  Stay tuned!

 

 

 

 

 

Live from San Francisco, it's Bouchercon!

If you're reading this blog, you are part of the crime fiction community. Whether you're a reader, a librarian, an author, or editor, you are a part of this fabulous (albeit dysfunctional) world of crime fiction.

So why aren't you at Bouchercon?

Every year, hundreds (maybe thousands?) of fans, authors, editors, agents, publicists, bloggers, librarians, everyone you can imagine, takes over a hotel for four days and fills it with panels, interviews, awards ceremonies, and of course, a little bit of drinking. While it's too late to make it this year, mark your calendars because you won't want to miss next year's convention.

Top Ten Reasons to Attend Bouchercon 2011 in Saint Louis

1. It's being chaired by Jon Jordan, one of crime fiction's ultimate fans and the owner of Crimespree magazine.
2. You know those people who blog, tweet, or chat on the internet? They're real! Meet you twitter followers, facebook friends and blog subscribers.
3. As a child, did you skip birthday parties and school dances to stay home and read a book? Is you're idea of a fun Saturday night staying at home with a stack of books? You are not alone! Meet folks that share your passion for reading!
4. You get to hang out with phenomenal authors. Ever wanted to meet this guy? Or this guy? Here, you can! They attend every Bouchercon and can usually be found at the hotel bar.
5. As an author, there's no better place to network and meet fans.
6. Free books! Aside from BEA and ALA, you'll never get more, quality books at a conference.
7. As a registered attendee, you have the power to nominate and vote on the Anthony Awards. Don't you want you're favorite author to win an Anthony, all because YOU nominated them?
8. Are you an aspiring author? There are plenty of panels that will teach you more than you ever wanted to know. Learn about crafting a novel, pitching an agent, working with an editor. You'll get more out of these panels than you will the writers handbooks.
9. Published authors: have you ever been at a book signing where 4 people show up and 2 of them are the bookstore employees? Not here! Even the early morning panels have at least 20 people in the audience, some have 100.
10. It's FUN! Do you need another reason?

So don't miss out on next year's convention, mark your calendars and register early!

MEGALIT has come for your woooooooords

 

by Alison Janssen

 

You guys, today I want to talk about editing, and how I believe that good editing should be a conversation. Not a list of "this must be changed!" dictates from editor to author, nor a bunch of "uh-huh"s from an author who isn't really listening. A conversation, where both parties are engaged, open, and thinking.

 

I get the sense sometimes that authors -- especially first-time authors -- are very nevous about working with an editor. As if we're big scary beasts with REJECTED stamps for hands and red pens for teeth, and we wear tweed, suede-elbowed jackets and knock back martinis while we knaw thoughtlessly on your pristine manuscripts.

 

(Note to Barbara: Let's pitch that monster to Syfy as the next Sharktopus. Actually, we should combine the scary editor with other scary publishing figures. The pitch could go something like, "With the publishing world in crisis, the threat of ebooks killing print sales, and the big 6 publishers crashing under their own gargantuan weight, one intrepid publisher has one Red Bull too many and comes up with a seemingly brilliant idea: Combine an agent, editor, and literary critic into a time-and-money-saving literary behemoth. Using his company's own Cloning for Fun and Profit! handbook, he sequesters himself in the basement stacks of the building, fueling his laboratory by burning old, remaindered copies of The Stones of Summer and creating THE MEGALIT. But what this poor publisher doesn't know is that his company skimped on copyediting costs, and a fatal typo in Cloning for Fun and Profit! has led to MEGALIT being possesed of a total lack of literary taste, and a wild, uncontrollable appetite for the pure fear-sweat of hopeful authors. Rampaging thorugh the streets of New York City, MEGALIT Rejects, Revises, and Reviles every WIP it can get its red-fanged mouth around, and then licks the poor, disappointed authors to death. Can the well-meaning but foolish publisher gain control of his creation ... before it's too late?")

 

Ahem, I'm sorry, what was I talking about?

 

Right. Truth is, editors aren't big scary beasts. We don't want to take over an author's novel with our own twisted ideas, and we don't suggest changes for no reason.

 

I love what I do, and I love conversing with authors about their work, and where I see opportunities for change, emphasis, or expansion. Editing is not about Things The Author Did Wrong. Sure, there may be a mistake or two (like whoops, you had this character lighting the same cigarette twice in one scene), but more than that, editing is about an engaged, thoughtful, third-party reader thinking critically about your work. It's about me saying, "This is what I got from Chapter Seven," and then you saying, "Well shoot, this is what I *wanted* you to get from Chapter Seven," and then both of us working to figure out how to get from your work on the page to your intention.

 

So don't be intimidated by your editor. A great editorial relationship is a conversation, and half of that conversation will be through the words of the manuscript.

 

 

p.s. MEGALIT is a totally lame name for that beast, but I haven't had enough coffee to come up with something better. Ideas?

 

 

Who mentioned the R-word?

You know what? Not running a publishing company is almost as hard work as running one.

 This may change, of course. But for the time being it appears nothing has. I’m still heading for the office every morning. Still fielding a whole list of e-mails before the day is properly under way. Still taking half-hour calls from authors – though that’s largely because I count many of my (former) authors among my friends, so I suppose you could say I now have time to chat on the phone with friends, though we still seem to spend a lot of time talking about crime writing. And, for the foreseeable future, still tying up loose ends and dealing with the fallout from the Big Change, of which there is a surprising amount.

 I’m still running murder mystery evenings too: an average of one per week between now and Christmas (aaargh! the C-word!), and that’s not counting the ones (former) Crème authors are doing. And tonight I’m giving a talk to a women’s group.

 What happened to time for the garden and catching up on my reading?

 Mind you, if I wasn’t as busy as this I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I’ve never mastered the noble art of sitting still and twiddling my thumbs, and daytime TV has absolutely no appeal. (Except the footage of those Chilean miners being hauled out from half a mile underground. Buried for sixty-eight days and emerging pretty well unscathed: a modern miracle or what! A dozen were out last time I looked and they’re still coming.)

 So whisper the R(etirement) word very, very quietly, if at all. I’m not planning to resort to pipe and slippers just yet.

 The new owners have already given me my first editing job too – not that it’s going to fill many weeks, or even days; Crème de la Crime authors (this one qualifies as both former and existing) know how to produce clean, polished manuscripts, and there was never much to do. But editing always was at the heart of the job for me, and it’s good to be able to focus on that without the distractions of getting printing quotes, writing press releases, scrutinising sales returns, moderating my language (or not as the case may be. Usually not.) when the bills come in and generally taking care of all the day-to-day stuff involved in running a business.

 So it looks as if those little rants I was so looking forward to will have to go on hold. A good rant has to be carefully thought about; I wouldn’t want to offend anyone by missing them out…

Ten Little Murderers Are My Bffs

By Barbara Poelle

Sometimes you invite your dearest friends over for a murder mystery party and then sometimes there is a thunderstorm with vibrant lightening and timpani thunder and you keep yelling, “OMG guys it’s like I’m really going to kill you!” and they love you more, not less ,for it. These are the people to surround yourself with during the hard parts of publishing. And also those to maybe keep on speed dial for bail money.

Writing can be a lonely gig. A road that is paved with self doubt and Skeksie voices prompting you to question yourself every step of the way.  (Please be a good writer…pleeease..PLEEEASEEEE) Unlike pipe fitting or squid wrangling, writing can oftentimes be a lonely endeavor, and your pub date can seem uncomfortably underwhelming.  Here’s the truth of it: your agent, editor and publicist have all ridden this bull for 8 seconds in the past and are chafed where your underwear covers your skin (that is how Husband edited this to read) so it might be up to your social circle to celebrate your pub date as hard as deserved. It isn’t our intention to deny the thrill that is your paper birth into the world; it is just a truth that we have twenty five or thirty of these dates this year and forget how electrifying they can be, because we are just trying to move widgets.

There are two books out today that I desperately want you to buy:  the historical upmarket thriller The Sleepwalkers by Paul Grossman (agented by my brilliant colleague, Jon Sternfeld) and the spectacular young adult novel  Banished by Sophie Littlefield (agented my brilliant reflection Barbara Poelle). There is nothing I can say that will make you want these books more or less than previous pimpage, but I am telling you, these are amazing books that had authors who quietly wrote when their kids were sleeping or when they had two hours after 11 pm to put 2000 words down, and today is going to be a day where they open their front door and the paper boy still sneers at them while smashing a garage window with the Tuesday Times. And that just isn’t fair because today is the day when they are published.

All I am saying is make sure when one of your friends or colleagues has a pub date that you take the time to drop an e-mail or an e-card or God forbid an e-motion to say congratulations. Because nobody is going into this alone, and nobody can host a murder party without the total and unwavering support of their guests. No one wants their pub date to go unacknowledged, so here are a few things you can do to honor your colleague on their pub date. Please pick two:

10.) Call their answering machine and disguise your voice and pretend to be a homicidal stalker who is in love with them due to their writing.

9.) Take a picture a la Maxim with you covered by their book in strategic places and send your photo to  their facebook wall.

8.) Rent a sky plane to sky write their title over major cities

7.) Go to a bookstore and ask if they have the book, if they don’t, begin weeping and rending your clothes until the manager orders some

6.) Bake a cake to resemble the cover of your friend’s book- please be aware of allergies, like if their agent can’t eat gluten or dairy

5.) Tattoo the protagonist’s name on your body and also the name of the agent and then start a blog about tattoos about titles and agents

4.) Memorize the first line of the novel and anytime someone uses a word from the first line spray them with whipped cream and yell the title of the book in their face.

3.) Go to your child’s school and create a rhyming couplet to shout utilizing the title and author name of your dear friend’s book and holler it repeatedly while standing in their cafeteria for lunch hours

2.) Blog about your friend’s release

1.) Tweet about your friend’s release

So any of those two will work, and I trust you to chose what is right for you.

Now pardon me while I sip the essence from this Gelfling.

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Book

Jeff Cohen

I've posted before here about Writer's Block and what a fraud I think that concept is. I'm not about to go back on that now, but I will admit to having slowed down my output lately, and I know why.

I'm in the second act.

I learned about writing stories by writing screenplays, so I still deal in the concept of acts. In the first act, you establish your characters, their world, and your premise. In the third act, you provide resolution to all the conflict and leave your characters where you have intended them to be (or where they have driven themselves during the process when you weren't paying attention).

Then, there is the dreaded Second Act. This is a devious, twisted, nasty little beast that takes up the bulk of your story. The middle areas, where nothing is established and nothing is resolved. The part of the narrative that requires you to keep juggling balls in the air, keep the reader riveted to the page, and never actually solve any of the problems your characters have, because then the story would be over. 

Second acts are, by definition in the screenwriting bibles, twice as long as either of the other two components of your story. So you're keeping the story's end at arm's length, and you have to do so for twice as many pages as you used to set things up (when you were overcome with inspiration) or wrapping things up (when the light at the end of the tunnel can be seen clearly).

I hate second acts.

On top of the reasons I've listed above, I am intimidated by my second acts because I know this is where the reader should be getting the most bang for the buck. The big sequences, the biggest laughs, the biggest thrills, the shivers up the spine, all that stuff will be in abundance in the middle section of your story. Why? Because as you're not resolving the story, you have to keep the attention of your reader, and that means showing them shiny plot points, colorful character shadings, and attractive hints of where your story is going--even if you don't know.

So yes, second acts intimidate me, especially when I'm in their early stages, as I have been lately. But I'm back on the 1000-word-a-day diet, this time for two separate stories (so really 2000 words a day), and I'll hit those deadlines.

I've long contended that the "cure" for "Writer's Block" is to write something. Anything. Even if you think it's lousy, write it. You can fix it later. You can't fix nothing later--there isn't anything to fix. Sometimes, you'll surprise yourself and write something good, or at least decent, when you're just trying to hit the quota. Other times, you won't--but you'll have something to fix later.

So that's what I'm doing. I get stuck, sure. But I never have Writer's Block. You don't, either.

 

Cassette-to-Digital Conversion Project: I promised a couple of weeks that I'd report on the latest in my ongoing effort to digitize every sound I have ever recorded in my life. But this cassette thing is trickier than the LP project I undertook for the first seven months of this year. The cassette converter itself is run off power it takes from the computer via a USB cable, with backup batteries installed. But the speed of the cassette is suspect to me--it all sounds too slow. It is possible to hook the thing up to a DC power source (not included, natch), and I have been unable to find one. Nor am I absolutely positive this would solve the problem. I think it's possible the thing just can't handle 90-minute cassettes. 

Still, I've managed to convert a few cassettes to Mp3s, but not nearly at the rate I was converting LPs. For one thing, it appears that the bulk of my cassette collection was, at some time or another, discarded as useless (or lost somewhere in the house, which is possible but unlikely--we don't have that much room that isn't visible).

So music cassettes are not plentiful. I have found mostly interview cassettes I used in researching my two non-fiction books on Asperger's Syndrome, which I probably don't need more than five years after the second book was published. I do also have some cassettes of telephone interviews I conducted for Hollywood Scriptwriter magazine, and I am going to convert those, since I'm really impressed with a lot of the people I interviewed.

At this moment, I've converted a total of 10 cassettes in the two weeks I've had the cassette converter. These include America's greatest hits, of which one or two are great and the rest boring; a Little River Band album that had a couple of good songs on it; ELO's Discovery album, which has not improved since I didn't like it in the 70s; Best of the Doobie Brothers, which includes more best than not; a Poco album with one interesting song ("Crazy Love") on it, the soundtrack to Paul McCartney's film (oh, yes) Give My Regards to Broad Street and a Pablo Cruise album. This is what's left after most of one's collection is lost or discarded.

And the first part of my (long) interview with the brilliant screenwriter William Goldman (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Marathon Man, The Princess Bride), which is well worth having preserved.

Help, television is taking over my life, by Dale Spindel

     To be honest, I've probably always been pretty elitist.   I developed a serious taste for classical music at age 13 and will readily confess (to most people's horror) that at age  14 I turned down a FREE ticket to see the Beatles at Shea Stadium.  To this day, I prefer opera to pop and will  choose chamber music over Lady Gaga any day of the week.

     So it should probably come as no surprise to anybody to also learn that I have  spent most of my adult life looking down my nose at television, with the exception of such guilty pleasures as the Mary Tyler Moore Show,  The Rockford  Files, and anything British.  (Any Butterflies fans out there???)   I also watched Sesame Street and other kiddie shows with my kids, but in my mind  those shows didn't count.  And later on, after my son got older and turned me on to The Simpsons, Beavis and Butthead and South Park, those shows didn't count either.  And neither, of course, did watching Saturday Night Live.

    But then, when I was home recuperating from cataract surgery back in the summer of 2001, a friend loaned me her videos of the first three seasons of The Sopranos and I became hooked almost immediately, blowing through all those videotapes in a mere matter of  days.  In order to be able to watch future seasons of The Sopranos as they appeared,  I convinced my husband that we needed a subscription to HBO.  Not too long after, a subscription to Showtime was also thrown into our cable package.  It didn't take too long for me to add  The Wire, Deadwood, The Brotherhood, Sleeper Cell, and The Tudors to my list of television addictions.  

It was only a matter of time before I found myself coming face to face with the  renaissance of TV programming that eventually made its way to the non-subscription cable channels, initiating yet more addictive behaviors towards the likes of  Mad Men, Damages, Breaking Bad, and Rescue Me.   As my daughter recently remarked, "Mom, for someone who doesn't watch television, you sure watch a lot of television." 

    But lately, things have taken an  even more serious turn as more and more cable classics that I had previously missed  have suddenly become available to me in all their multi-season glory through the television miracle that is "on demand," complete with the "watch by" dates, after which they disappear.   I spent months working my way through five seasons of Weeds, only to  make the discovery that multiple season of Six Feet Under are also now available to me and that I will have to  make a commitment to regular viewing of all these episodes by their "view by" dates over a period of many, many weeks. 

Once upon a time, in the distant past, it used to be that if you missed a show when it was first broadcast, you might be able to catch it during summer reruns but if not, then it would be lost to  you pretty much forever, or at least until the series eventually went into syndication.  These days, through the magic of DVR, downloading from the web, "on demand" and friends who own the complete  sets of long running shows on DVD, there are  not enough hours in the day to watch everything that everybody tells you that you simply must watch.

    Why am I going on about all this?  The shows  that I have been hooked on (with the exception of Weeds and the most recent season of Damages) are usually an irresistable amalgam of excellent writing and acting; there is no reason for me to feel bad about  the large chunks of time that I regularly spend watching them.  And unlike the act of reading which, for me at least, is a more or less solitary pursuit, the majority of the shows that I  watch provide an opportunity for my husband and me to spend  time together.   However, as a result of all the TV watching, the amount of time that I  spend reading actual books has gone way down, leaving me feeling both frustrated and guilty.   As a librarian, it does not bode well for the future of my profession if dedicated readers like me  all start to slack off in favor of television.  

 Is anybody else out there struggling with this?  Am I just going through a phase or is this something more serious? 

Postscript:  My musical tastes are not really elitist; I'm always really surprised that everyone doesn't love classical music just as much as I do, but this is a subject for a blog other than Dead Guy.

    

Goin' on a Treasure Hunt

Robin Agnew

Recently my husband went to an estate sale and came away with several boxes full of books, many of them hard to find Simenon and John Dickson Carr titles, in various editions and conditions.  The used book biz varies a good deal from the new book biz in two central ways:  pricing depends on supply, and availability fluctuates.  While my husband hits up the Ann Arbor Library sale every week, the real treasures are often found when he gets a call from his antique dealer friend, telling him "I'm going through a house."

While many of these books are mass market paperbacks, some of them are very old paperbacks, actually collectible, as is a pocket book edition of Carr's It Walks By Night from October, 1941.  Astonishingly, the paper it's printed on it still bright white and it's in lovely shape.

Many of them are more run of the mill paperbacks, but still an excellent addition to our shelves since, as I've mentioned, availability of used books fluctuates wildly.  There's not a warehouse where you can order up a dozen copies of Carr's The Corpse in the Waxworks, but now we have one on the shelf.

And as I price books there are always surprises.  I use the ABE books website, where dealers from all over heck list their wares.  If, for example, you call up a common title, say Lee Child's The Enemy, probably hundreds will surface, and they'll start at a dollar.  But with more unusual and scarcer titles, the prices vary wildly, and as I wait each time for the screen to pop up, I am always amazed at what's hard to find and what isn't so hard to find.  

I was surprised this time around when I looked up some International Polygonics hardcovers from the early 90's, with introductions by Douglas Greene (who came to the store once, to shop, when we first opened.  Boy, would I love to pick his brain NOW).  These are scare and the prices start at $99 and go up from there.  I like to stay reasonable myself, though, and always lowball my prices.  A sale, after all, is a sale.

In one of them I found a Borders receipt from January of 1992, which only made me think about how much the book business has changed (92 was one of the years, in fact, when my husband was a clerk at the original Borders, which truly was a great bookstore).  Borders now probably wouldn't carry this book at all, as the press is too small, and Carr is too much of an oddball writer to attract anyone but the serious aficionado.

Serious aficionados, we're here to serve.   And we've gone through the dusty basements of Ann Arbor to do so! 

 

Taking Lemons and Making Lemon Vodka

By Dana Kaye

Everyone knows what a fan I am of independent bookstores, right? I patron my local indie on a regular basis, I emphasize to my clients the importance of connecting with the independent bookstores, and I always contact indies for off-site events.

But this week, the indies let me down.

When you first hear the title of Lissa Rankin’s book, WHAT’S UP DOWN THERE? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend, where do you think it belongs? Is it the type of book that will be embraced by the large chains or championed by independent bookstores across the country?

Though I (and I assume most of you) thought the latter, we are sadly mistaken.

Lissa is in New York today and, as I do with all my clients, I told her to make her rounds and sign stock. But when my assistant called up every bookstore in Manhattan and Brooklyn, only Borders and Barnes and Noble had copies available. None of the beloved indies.

What happened guys?

I understand that clientele varies and not every book belongs in every bookstore, but the fact that even the feminist bookstore didn’t order at least one copy of this pink handbook of female empowerment truly shocked me.

But I’m not one to dwell on the “why?”, so instead, I thought of the “what now?”. If independents don’t think their customers want to find out What’s Up Down There? then we’ll prove them wrong.

The Challenge: Call up your nearest independent bookstore and ask for WHAT’S UP DOWN THERE? by Lissa Rankin. If they have it in stock, buy it and tell your friends. If they don’t, ask them to order it. You’ll increase the supply by demonstrating the demand.

The reward: The first 10 people to e-mail me their proof of purchase or proof of order will receive a free mystery or thriller from one of my other clients. Email me at Dana (at) KayePublicity (dot) com.

But wait, there’s more…

Are you in New York? So is Lissa! And so is Barbara Poelle! And so is Inga VonPeepenskeeven!

Stop by the Irene Goodman offices tomorrow from 4:30-5:30pm to join Lissa, Barbara, and Inga for a glass of wine (or water if you drink that sort of thin) . Don’t forget to bring your copy of WHAT’S UP DOWN THERE? for Lissa to sign and a flask of Polish vodka for Barbara (by 4:30 she's usually out).

How One Stitch Can Ruin Everything

by Alison Janssen

I want to continue the great discussions we started last week about morality and art/books/movies/etc, and how (or if) you separate the art from the artist, but I'd also like to dedicate some more thought to those topics before I bring them back up here. So watch for more on that in the future!

But for now, I want to bring up something else from the comments of last week's post. Several of us in the Dead Guy community are knitters! You know what that means? I'm going to talk about frogging!

Frogging is when, after hours and hours of work on a pattern (usually one with a fussy chart), you realize you made a mistake back in row 7. Though now you're on row 115, that little purl-instead-of-knit-stitch in row 7 has set the whole chart one stitch off, and you didn't notice because you'd memorized the chart pattern and didn't think about its placement on the piece because you were knitting while watching Star Trek: TNG dvds and Wesley Crusher is so distracting. And now your diamonds look funky.

So you rip out rows and rows and rows of work:

Ugh, this photo is years old and it still makes me shudder. All that ramen-noodle looking yarn is what I had to pull out when I realized I was doin' it wrong.

But for the integrity of the sweater, the mistake couldn't stand.That one tiny mistake resulting from a moment of inattention has ramifications on every subsequent stitch. It's all one long string of yarn -- the sweater is worked stitch by stitch, each dependent on the stitches that came before. Yes, I could have fudged a little, kept going from row 115, moving everything over to where it should have been without ripping back, so there would be just a small row of non-matching pattern, but that would have resulted in something just a little bit too sloppy for my liking. I knew the problem was there -- I identified it painfully late in the process, but once identified I couldn't ignore it and just squeak by.

Do you clever authors see where I'm going with this?

Frogging and revising are very much the same.

I know, when you're on Draft 17 of your WIP, and you've smoothed all the major plot issues and ensured that your characters behave believably and taken out most of the times you used "almost" or "never", and you can see the light at the end of the writing tunnel and you're ready to start shipping the file off to agents and editors, the last thing you want to do is notice that on page 3, your character has blond hair, and by the end of the ms her hair has somehow (without the help of a stylist) turned red. You don't want to notice because once you see that misplaced stitch, you know you'll have to follow the thread all the way through the rest of the manuscript to make sure it's not mucking up other little things. And it's not as simple as find/replacing "blond hair" with "red hair", because there's that scene on page 83 where she goes to the formal dinner in that stunning hot pink gown, and with her new redhead coloring that dress just wouldn't work (unless you're writing about Molly Ringwald). And there's that part in chapter 9 when she walks by the construction site and they're all yelling, "Hey, Barbie! Heeeeeey, Blondie!", and find/replace won't catch that you'll need to change those to "Ginger" and "Pippi."

Each detail in your work, no matter how small, has ramifications on the rest of the work. Just like knitting, sometimes you have to frog all the way back to the beginning to fix a mistake, and you have to be attentive to each word that follows, so that in fixing that mistake you don't create new ones.

But trust me: If I can survive frogging -- and I do, frequently -- you can survive another round of revisions. Just think how proud you'll be at the polished result!

Um, this is where I should be posting a triumphant photo of me in the sweater I had to frog, to prove my point. HOWEVER, this post is a great example of do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do, because that particular sweater ... well, I didn't finish it. Not because of the frogging! I just didn't end up liking that pattern as a whole, so once I finished all the front/back pieces, I stopped before getting to the sleeves. So instead, I'll give you a video montage of Wesley Crusher (inexplicably) set to Rhianna:

The first week of the rest of my life

I came to the office this morning with every intention of getting straight to my weekly blog post, but no idea what I was going to post about. Nothing unusual, but in the past something has always popped into my mind. Today it didn’t. I sat and stared at the screen for what felt like a long time, asking myself, what on earth can I say about crime fiction now I don’t publish it any more?

 And then it came to me. Ching! Lightbulb moment! Simply because I don’t publish it any more, I can say absolutely anything I like!

 The thing is, I no longer have to be careful who I offend. I can say exactly what I think, without taking care not to trample on tender and powerful toes about slightly – or very – controversial issues.

 Marketing fees. The sale or return system. Chain bookshops, and the ridiculous power they wield. The current sticky issue: royalties on eBooks.

 I can say what I think!

 (So what’s new, I hear an occasional Dead Guy regular follower ask. Well, all I’m saying is, if you thought that was speaking my mind, you ain’t seen nothing yet!)

 I promise not to produce one rant after another; that would be tedious, and ultimately self-defeating. But it will be refreshing, not to mention fun, to be able to shoot my mouth off once in a while without the label Awkward Squad, or She Who Cannot Keep her Big Mouth Shut, being held against me in places where some tact and diplomacy might have been useful when I needed to impress people or get them on my side.

 Today I’m not in an especially ranting mood, but I’m still going to say exactly what I think, largely because I’ve just finished re-reading the book I would probably choose as the one to take to a desert island. (Do you have Desert Island Discs over there in America-land? It’s a radio show, almost as old as radio itself; a Famous Person is interviewed, and between startling personal revelations chooses eight pieces of music they’d want with them if they were stranded on a desert island; also a luxury item, which must be completely useless for purposes of day-to-day survival or escape, and a book [the Bible or equivalent religious text and a Complete Works of Shakespeare are miraculously already there.]) This book defies description; it made me laugh, cry and gasp with astonishment; it told me a lot of things I didn’t realise I wanted to know; and it made me think about a lot of other things which lurk in odd corners of my mind awaiting this kind of stimulation. And it isn’t even a crime novel – but it is a crime that it hasn’t won every award in existence. And it stands a lot of re-reading.

 It got its first Dead Guy mention about a year ago, shortly after I read it for the first time (I’m not apologising for repeating myself, just mentioning the fact in passing in case it sounds familiar), and before another author with a similar name became a phenomenon. That author was Stieg Larsson, and it’s hard to avoid hearing of him; this one is Reif Larsen, and most people have probably never heard of him. The book is his first, and it’s called The Selected Works of T S Spivet.

 It’s about a boy. And a train. And the Smithsonian. And some maps. And… oh, life, the universe, everything that matters and a lot of things that don’t but probably should. And it’s beautiful. The hardback is the most exquisitely produced volume I’ve ever had the privilege of handling; I don’t know how they’ve done it in paperback, but I hope they haven’t copped out. That’s all I’m going to say about it. Except – read it!

 Finally – after I broke the Big News last week I was showered with comments and e-mails congratulating me and wishing both me and Crème de la Crime well for the future. The fallout is still falling, and my life is taking its time settling into a new pattern, but while it does, I can hold on to that warm glow. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it.

Oh, and I'm a Former Olympic Gymnast

by Barbara Poelle

I had a tête-à-tête with an editor yesterday where I asked for a thing or two and she replied something to the effect of, “Why yes! You can…..IN OPPOSITE LAND.”

Later that day -as I am sure happens to all of you- through a series of wacky tomfoolery, I visited a wizened fortune teller played by a wonderfully garbed Jamie Lee Curtis who told me to beware of wishes made under a broken moon. That night, at a restaurant called Luna Del Mar, I dined with publishing friends and I retold the tale of Opposite Land and how I wished we could all live there for a day. At that very moment, a light earthquake shook the area and a loud craaaack was heard. We all raced out to the front of the restaurant to see that the neon sign had cracked down the center of a half blinking blue moon. I thought nothing of it, finished my cosmorita, and headed home to slumber.

This morning I woke up at 5:45 a.m. and ran a quick 10K. I could have run a bit longer, but I wanted to take a moment to clean up some of the dog dookie my clearly overworked neighbors left within a 2 block radius of our apartment. (I am always happy to pick up the feces of someone else’s domesticated animal, even though stepping in it does make me giggle so!) I made myself a breakfast shake of a freshly squeezed melody of broccoli, cucumber, radish root and ginger juices. I then decided to surprise Husband by scrubbing out the oven and running the vacuum before I showered and changed into something office appropriate that in no way shape or form resembled something a homeless person would wear to their own wedding.

When I arrived at the office, I noticed they had (finally!) replaced the espresso machine with a soygurt dispenser.  My colleagues had all arrived early and we hugged it out for a bit before heading to our individual offices.

I wasn’t surprised to see that my literary fiction THE ART OF ART was getting several offers. It is a Flemish retelling of The Pied Piper which alternates passages in Old English in the second person narrative, and I am pitching it as a common man’s treatise on the impending financial overthrow of government by the amassed proletariat.  The lowest bid is 200K and so I ignore it, but I do tell the highest bidder that the author is very amenable to adding a dog.  We are all aware it may sell less than 100 copies, but genius like this should be paid what we deem its mental worth is by a series of agreed upon algorithms. [Like where x= the appearance of two or more characters with intrinsic pop culture value, like Lorenzo Lamas and the crazy pony-tailed saxophone player from that one scene in the movie The Lost Boys.]

My desk is pristine and the jar in the corner is filled with goji berries and I munch a handful as I wonder why anyone in their right mind would distill a potato for any reason.  Janet Reid calls, her voice a melodious sing song greeting in my ear, and I take a moment to comfort her at her lack of sales for the last 26 months and assure her that something lovely will come her way soon. I then confirm my racquetball court time and drop an email to Amy Lindel letting her know that the same rule stands: we play for fun and we never ever keep score because life isn’t about winning.

My last call of the day is at 4:55, as my work day ends at 5 as if dictated. It is Golly Zoot reminding me that we are cooking for our husbands this weekend in our monthly pot luck and that the theme this month is “Moroccan.”

I head home and spend two hours preparing pasta from scratch to serve to Husband with a crystal flute of sparkling grapefruit juice, and then it is time for poetry reading and an hour of meditation. 

So, what did Jamie Lee Curtis make YOU do in Opposite Land today?

 

 

The Crime Fiction Drinking Game

Jeff Cohen

I'll admit it--a post on an entirely different blog inspired me this week. (Warning: Click here ONLY if you are a fan of the New York Yankees--otherwise, you won't find it the least bit amusing.)

If there's one thing I try (and often fail) to do in my writing, it's to avoid the cliche. Now, this isn't always possible, since cliches got to be cliches because they are often useful and unavoidable, but still. Anyone who has read more than three crime fiction novels probably has a working knowledge of the more prevalent conventions in such stories. 

This leads, then, to DEAD GUY's first (and possibly last) annual:

CRIME FICTION DRINKING GAME

The rules are simple: If you're reading a crime fiction novel and one of the following situations arises, you take a drink (or more, or less, as indicated). If you manage to make it to page 100 unimpaired, that's probably a pretty interesting book. If you're plastered by page 10, you might want to switch to another novel when you sober up in the morning. 

Note: Recovering or non-recovering alcoholics and those driving home tonight are strongly urged to drink only soft drinks, in which case you might want to substitute any inebriation references above to something about having to burp a lot. Your call.

Ready?

1. Title includes the words "Can Be Murder," 1 drink.
2. There's a black cat on the cover (literally a pet peeve), 1 drink
3. Hero/heroine is romantically involved with the local police chief, 1 drink
4. A character early in the book says angrily that they'd "like to kill" another--who's going to end up murdered soon? 2 drinks
5. Main character stumbles on a dead body, and in trying to help, gets his/her fingerprints all over the murder weapon? 1 drink
6. Main character talks to local police officer/detective/captain/lieutenant/chief and gets a useful piece of information--that no cop would ever really give up? 1 drink
7. Character ties investigation to some kind of craft, 1 drink each time the two collide
8. (Cozies only) Character SHOULD curse a blue streak, but says, "oh, drat" or something, 1 drink
9. Murderer contacts main character to get the plot going again, 2 drinks
10. Witness calls character and says, "I know (X clue), but I can't tell you now," 1 drink
11. Witness who did so shows up dead, 2 drinks
12. Main character, threatened, calls violent-but-loyal sidekick, 2 drinks
13. Someone tells main character s/he is "poking into things better left alone," or any variation thereof, 1 drink
14. A monkey (or chimp, or any simian) is involved, 1 drink
15. Main character's new love interest becomes a suspect, 1 drink
16. Main character becomes a suspect, and therefore must investigate to clear his/her name, 1 drink
17. Main character lured into midnight meeting alone with killer, 2 drinks
18. Killer calmly explains entire plot while supposedly planning to off main character, 1 drink
19. Main character asks questions of killer beginning with "so then..." 1 drink
20. Killer sticks around when it would be easy to skip to Acapulco, 1 drink
21. Someone facetiously calls main character "Sherlock," 1 drink (no drink if reading Doyle)
22. Anyone mentions a "copycat" killing, 1 drink
23. A friend of yours is mentioned in the book, indicating the author participated in a "name-the-character" auction, 1 drink
24. DNA evidence which would normally take weeks/months to analyze somehow ends up analyzed in less than two days, 2 drinks
25. Main character is rescued in the nick of time by love interest/police chief, 3 drinks
26. Killer turns out to be a character who hasn't appeared since p. 16, drain the bottle

 

Okay, DEAD GUY readers--what have I left out?

My thoughts on a couple of mystery novels: a comparative book report, by Dale Spindel

Okay, so in keeping with my blogging responsibilities on Dead Guy, I decided to listen to a couple of mysteries on audiobook.  As I've previously reported, I enjoy audiobooks immensely but the one drawback to listening to them while driving is that I cannot take notes.  (Maybe I could, but it would be kind of dangerous.)  As I sat gathering my thoughts to write this, I realized that another danger I faced was the possibility that I could incur everyone's wrath by  inadvertently giving away the endings to one or both novels.  I promise that I am going to do my best not to.

Having read favorable reviews of books by Harlan Coben, I  selected Caught, his most recently published novel, for my first mystery audiobook since coming on board  Dead Guy.   As a born and bred Jersey girl, I liked the familiar north Jersey setting and I especially enjoyed Coben's colorful depiction of one of his  characters, a middle aged suburban rapper wannabe with the  stage name  Fly (short for Tenafly, a wealthy suburb in Bergen County).   I did, however, find it kind of overwhelming trying to keep track of the large cast of characters (at least 16 by my unofficial reckoning) and the multiple interconnected storylines.  While I admired Coben's ability to draw his story to a conclusion  in a manner that had me pondering life's ironies, it was not enough to leave me wanting to read more of his stuff.

    The second audiobook I listened to was The Crime Writer, by Gregg Hurwitz.  Told in the first person, narrator Scott Brick created a perfect LA noir atmosphere, making me feel almost as if I were listening to the soundtrack of a movie that was just out of my line of sight.  Like Coben, Hurwitz has created an entertaining crew of colorful characters, but with fewer of them for me to follow and, with a more chronologically tight story line,  I found myself  much more able to remain engaged with what was happening.  I also thought Hurwitz's use of language was masterful and on  par with the caliber of writing of some of my favorite writers of literary fiction.  A sensitive and gorgeously erotic bedroom scene could only be described as an unexpected bonus.  The audiobook concluded with a brief interview with the author during which it was revealed that Hurwitz is a Shakespeare scholar with a masters degree from Trinity College, Oxford. He is definitely now on my list of writers to keep an eye out for.

Conclusions so far: 1. Mystery writing covers a huge range of styles and substance into which I am only just now dipping a couple of toes. 2.  It is possible for a mystery novel to be gorgeously written.  3.  I have a lot more to learn.

Question:  Was it  just an absurd coincidence that each of these two novels featured a female character marked by virtually the same facial disfigurement or is this  a  convention of the genre?   What's even more absurd is that  the single mystery novel I read (and loved) in the late '90s (Judas Child, by Carol O'Connell) also featured a female character similarly afflicted.  What are the odds???

 

                                                                                                     

 

 

 

 

What is Noir?

Guest blogger Jamie Agnew is the co-owner of Aunt Agatha's.

What is noir? It's such an overused and amorphous term that I'm tempted to answer, as Louie Armstrong did when asked a similar question about jazz, if you don't know by now, don't mess with it.  But when I think about noir in the same way as other modernist movements like, say, Impressionism or Bebop, there appears the glimmer of an answer. Since the French critics coined the term after the fact, in the beginning for movies and then the hard-boiled literary work which inspired many of them, the people who originated noir had no idea they were doing so, followed no rules, wrote no manifestoes and joined no professional organizations. Still, it can be associated with a specific time frame shaped by historical influences, starting with the materialism and nervous, jittery doomed gaiety of the twenties, continuing with the grim thirties and finding full flower in the disillusionment of post World War Two America. Add to this psychological background the massive rise in literacy, and the profusion of cheap pulp magazines consumed by guys with a taste for short, brutal fiction and the time to indulge that taste because they were out of work or in the downtime of war. Anybody who could crank out such fiction fast enough could make a precarious living out of it, and in fact their fiction gained immediacy and power by emerging so immediately from the subconscious. The historical movement died with the pulps, it's vitality withering, as is the case with many other things, at the moment it was named and codified. To me you can't really speak of contemporary writers as being noir, but only of having noir tendencies in their work.

Which brings me to an anthology that has the temerity to call itself The Best American Noir of the Century, edited by James Ellroy and Otto Penzler, two individuals who have more than enough chutzpah to make such pronouncements. The first obvious thing about the book is how weighted it is to the present day. Even though in his introduction Penzler locates the golden age of noir in the forties and fifties, there are only three stories from the former and six from the latter while the nineties and two thousands produce ten each. Perhaps he intends other books he's edited like the just published The Black Lizard Book of Black Mask Stories to pick up the slack on the old guys, but any book claiming to be the best noir and not include Lester Dent's "Sail" doesn't really live up to the title, and I'm sure there are many more vintage gems that deserve to be included more than some of the contemporary, presumably more commercial, offerings. Noir may literally mean black, but just because a story is dark, or has a downbeat ending, it ain't necessarily noir. In my opinion the only two contemporary writers who approach true noir status are Ellroy and Megan Abbot, and Abbot isn't even represented here. Instead for some unaccountable reason the reader is subjected to Harlan Ellison's tedious not even close to noir "Mefisto In Onyx," and, as in so many mystery anthologies, the inappropriate Joyce Carol Oates is trotted out like a desiccated but aristocratic maiden aunt presumed to class up the proceedings.

Noir has become the talismanic force it has because it is visionary - in the world of the noir holy trinity of Jim Thompson, David Goodis and Cornell Woolrich it isn't just the good guys versus the bad guys, but an almost Gnostic view of nature, humanity and society itself as inherently malevolent. In the best stories in this collection "Spurs," by Tom Robbins, "For the Rest of Her Life" by  Woolrich and "When the Women Come Out to Dance" by Elmore Leonard the conclusion of the story brings the epiphany that the protagonist is in hell right here right now, and the torment threatens to be pretty close to eternal. Not enough of these stories live up to them, at least not enough to be called the best, particularly the more high toned literary gents at the end.

Which doesn't mean, of course, that I didn't read or reread all of the stories in this volume and enjoy most of them. In truth, it's a pretty darn good collection of creepy, perverse dark fiction. If only it weren’t called The Best American Noir of the Century.  

 

October is here!

October is finally here and you know what that means: Halloween! By far, my favorite holiday. Sure, now people give me weird looks when I attempt to trick-or-treat (no one said there's a cut-off age!) but there are plenty of other ways to spend the holiday. And since I assume all of us are total book nerds, here are a few suggestions:

• Turn off all the lights, light candles, and read the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe
• Head over to Jenn's Bookshelves and participate in her month long "Scarefest"
• Read old Stephen King books, then watch their movie counterparts (and of course complain about how much better the books are)
• Grab a stack of Kensington novels and read serial killer thrillers all weekend.
• Dress up like your favorite character from a horror novel and scare all the little kids who knock on their door
• Instead of giving vampire-costumed trick or treaters candy, hand out Charlaine Harris novels
• Re-read your collection of Ann Rice novels (also by candlelight).

Feel free to leave your other Literary Halloween suggestions! Happy October!