It's singalong day at DEAD GUY! A one, and a two, and a--
Songs Sung to the Tune Of...
On the Street Where You Live
I have often walked down this block before/
But nobody ever said it was a crock before/
If I only knew/
The next word or two/
I could get my butt off Writer's Block.
People stop and stare/
Yes, they bother me/
What they're doing in my living room's a mystery/
Still the deadlines loom/
I face certain doom/
Better write my way off Writer's Block.
The Last Time I Saw Paris
The last time I saw Paris/
It was still there in France/
I hear that it's in Vegas now/
Now, that's a game of chance!
A Day in the Life
I read the news today, oh boy/
"Gaddafi"'s spelled without a "Q" these days/
And Charlie Sheen has lost his mind/
So now I've got the blues/
How the hell does such a story/
Even qualify as "news?"
I'd love to turn... it... off...
Born Free
Books free!/
And records and movies/
Yes, oldies and newbies/
All free--just download away!
Stealing? Tell someone who's caring/
I call it "file sharing"/
And that's what makes it okay!
Books free!/
I'm loving the readin'/
There's more that I'm needin'/
But hey--no new books to read!
Free books/
Now authors won't get paid/
So new books are waylaid/
But I read free!
Make 'Em Laugh
Be a slob, be a slob/
Don't ya know everyone loves a slob/
My grandpa said with dreadful remorse/
"You smell like the rear end of a horse!"
Eat your fries/
With your toes/
Drink your milk through a straw up your nose!
Now, you can be quite proper and remain really neat/
And you can hang around with members of the elite/
But what the hell, just be a slob and wear what you eat/
Be a slob, be a slob, be a slob!*
I Am the Walrus
Kindle, e-book, Barnes & Noble, Sony Reader, iBook in an iPad/
Some say that all books' gooses are cooked; I disagree/
I'm smiling.
Books can be on paper/
Or they can be on a Nook/
Authors write for readers, not for certain formats; read me any way you like and I will shake your hand.
You are the reader/ (Whoo!)
You are the leaders/ (Whoo!)
I'm just the writer!
Goo goog a joob!
Don't Get Around Much Anymore
Used to think I would tour/
Take my book on the road/
Now my kids are in college/
And that's a big financial load.
Thought of going to cons/
Make the mystery scene/
I'll be driving to Malice/
If I can pay for gasoline.
Darlin', I jest/
But tours take a bite/
I'll still do my best/
But I can't buy a flight.
If you're selling my books/
And would like me to sign/
I'll be happy to do so/
Could we arrange it online?
Seriously, if you're going to be at Malice Domestic this weekend, please say hello! Check my redesigned web site for panel info!
* "Be A Slob" lyrics by Jeffrey Cohen and Jeffrey Pollitzer; all other lyrics by Jeffrey Cohen. Used without permission. From anyone.
