Lynne Patrick
I wonder if I really am the pickiest person in the world about the way people use and abuse the English language, or if it just feels that way sometimes.
I almost feel I should apologize – but I don’t think I’m going to – for grinding my teeth at a positive plethora of usages because they’re not just clumsy or lazy, but imprecise, inaccurate, or just plain impossible. (Though I will apologize in advance for the multiplicity of words I’m about to put in upper-case; I’m not shouting at you, really I’m not. It’s just that after my recent blog-related battles with technology, I still haven’t figured out any other way to add emphasis. All advice on how to make Typepad retain bold, underlining or italics gratefully received.)
Needless to say (so why am I saying it?), when I try to think of examples to illustrate my point, my mind goes completely blank. But not for long. All I need to do is grind my teeth...
OK, here goes. How many times have you come across an EMPTY BOTTLE OF WINE or cup of coffee? In print, I mean. In reality, if it’s empty, it’s just a bottle or a cup. It may be a wine bottle or a coffee cup, but it certainly isn’t a bottle of wine or a cup of coffee if the liquid it once contained is gone.
How about HAIR THAT WANTS CUTTING, or a fence that wants a coat of paint? Did you ever hear hair, fence or any non-sentient object actually express a desire of any kind? The hair may be obscuring the vision and therefore be in need of a trim; the fence may be close to collapsing from wet rot and therefore need the protective layer. But the difference in meaning between NEED and WANT is blurred far too often for my comfort.
Here’s another, just as frequently blurred but a little more subtle:
SHE TRIED SHOUTING.
SHE TRIED TO SHOUT.
I can sense blank looks out there. What’s the difference, you ask. What is the woman blathering on about?
Come on, guys. We’re writers, or some of us are. Isn’t the whole point of having access to a variety of parts of speech and grammatical constructions to enable us to express subtle nuances and shades of meaning?
She tried shouting – but nobody heard.
She tried to shout – but her throat was so raw it came out as a croak.
And now we come to my favourite. This is the one I always, always, always flag up when I find it in a manuscript, whatever else I leave as I found it.
WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS, HE OPENED THE DOOR.
In every building I’ve ever visited, this is, quite simply, not physically possible. Nor is Taking a final swallow of beer, he put the glass down. Or Checking in the wall mirror to see his tie was straight, he walked down the path to the car.
For this one I blame creative writing manual style guides. AND THEN is not good style, they proclaim; find another way to say it. I agree that too much AND THEN (or even AND and THEN used separately) is not good style. Repetition of any kind is not good style, unless it’s for effect. Surely the key is to know what counts as too much.
OK, enough ranting. And yes, I’m picky.
But I’d bet serious money that the best writers are pickier.
