It’s February 15th, just after my favorite holiday of the year! Friday the 13th! While there is a plethora of sweet love stories available, in the spirit of wallowing in my anti-romantic sentiments, I prefer my romantic tales to be a little darker. Here are a few suggestions for love stories that end with Unhappily Ever After. Spoiler warning, although I will try to not give away any real surprises. Although 90% of the tragedies could have been prevented through better communication skills.
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn – Marriage means learning to sleep with one eye open.
Heartsick by Chelsea Cain – The suspenseful, often graphically violent, series featuring Archie Sheridan and Gretchen Lowell starts here. A twisted “love” obsession between a serial killer and a police detective. This is the epitome of co-dependency, as nothing says true love like cutting out your beloved’s organs.
The Perfect Husband by Lisa Gardner – Let’s just say that the title is ironic.
Before I Go to Sleep by S.J. Watson – Think of 50 First Dates but with Adam Sandler as a psychopath. Wait, that's redundant. Amnesiacs in love.
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green – A charming and funny novel of teenage love. With CANCER.
One Day by David Nicholls - After meeting One Day, a couple falls in love. Readers revisit them on that one day every year until...well, that was unfortunate.
Wuthering Heights by Emile Bronte – Infatuation, social and class structure, insanity. No wonder it’s so popular.
The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen – Disney lied. This children’s tale has Ariel giving up her voice, her family, and ultimately her life for a Prince who dumps her for another woman. Charming, indeed.
Sophie’s Choice by William Styron – Ye gods. An Auschwitz survivor falls in love with a paranoid schizophrenic. And the choice Sophie had to make was even worse. So, yup, this is going to toally have a happy ending.
Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion - Okay, this really does have a happy ending. I adore it as it is the usual tale of a zombie falling in love with a living girl. Hey may or may not eat her last boyfriend's brains.
Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare – The iconic and beautifully written tale of romance that pretty much captures why teenagers should not be allowed to marry. Teenagers, hormones, family drama, teenagers.
So, enjoy your chocolates, your roses, your fireside dinners. I’m locking my door and researching cat adoption sites. Cheers!