Focusing your POV

Abby Zidle

Most writers work diligently on characterization (among other things), striving to choose just the right words to come out of their protagonists' mouths.  But sometimes, writers can overlook another opportunity to immerse their reader in the mindset of their heroes or heroines--narrative voice in exposition.

Although it's certainly true that a writer may choose a third person omniscient POV to present an authorial voice, I think that tone sounds a bit formal for much of today's commercial fiction.  Most of what I get in my submission pile is third person limited POV (or sometimes multiple POVs, depending).  The level of distance from the POV character can be controlled by astute word choice, and losing sight of your character's POV can reveal the "bones" of your story--the man (or woman) behind the curtain.

For example, the following passage is about a character thinking of a gift she'd received as a child.

Best of all was the string of white pearls her mother had given her. How Jane had loved that necklace! It had put everything else in her childhood jewelry box to shame.

Thinking about the necklace--an object with a near-Proustian power to evoke every detail of her childhood--she realized that somewhere along the way, she had lost the sense of being special.

While the necklace certainly functions in the way the author details here, describing it as a Proustian object feels overly analytical, and presents one of the novel's themes in a way that's a little too overt.  However, it's easy enough to trim the second paragraph and bring the same feeling back into Jane's head:

Best of all was the string of white pearls her mother had given her. How Jane had loved that necklace! It had put everything else in her childhood jewelry box to shame.

Somewhere along the way, she had lost that sense of being special.

We know that the necklace has triggered this memory. But is Jane likely to think to herself (since the POV essentially implies that's what she's doing), "Ah, this necklace serves as my own Proustian madeleine!"?  I suppose that she might, depending on her background and the way in which you've characterized her (maybe she's a literary critic?). But if you haven't established that, this passage will feel like the author's intruding.

Another way to enhance the reader's connection with your protagonist is to look for opportunities to make your narrative voice sound more conversational, to reinforce the idea that we're privy to that character's thoughts.  Here's a small example--the character is at the Macy's Thanksgiving parade:

Last year it was so windy that one of the huge balloons--it might have been Snoopy, Caitlin was not sure--collided with a lamppost and sent the metal shaft tumbling onto the crowd below.

There's nothing wrong with this passage, but the interjection about Snoopy sounds a little distant.  With a slight change, you can narrow the scope of the line so that it suggests we're really in Caitlin's head:

Last year it was so windy that one of the huge balloons--Snoopy, maybe?--collided with a lamppost and sent the metal shaft tumbling onto the crowd below.

This changes the feel of the line and makes Caitlin feel more immediate, more present with the reader.

Like all editorial decisions, this is merely one item in your toolbox. But if you're trying to lend your story a feeling of intimacy or immediacy, think about reading between the lines of dialogue.

Comments

[Sharon Wheeler]

I reckon point of view is the one thing a surprising number of writers find hard to nail. My personal dislike is pov changing abruptly -- sometimes even in the same paragraph. The poor reader is left clutching their head and wondering who's talking to them. If you're going to write a multiple pov story, at least make the changes in a new section or chapter.

[Roy Innes]

More! Really appreciate these editorial snippets of yours. For me, learning is half the fun of writing and pleasing an editor, the ultimate challenge.

[Janet Reid]

Required reading!