Where is the On Switch on a Vacuum?

by Barbara Poelle

So Husband is coming home after doing whatever it is that he does for the last five weeks. Maybe it’s venture capital investing. Maybe it’s another family. Who knows? The fact remains is that unfortunately, whenever he leaves on these extended jaunts, he takes the carpenter, the contractor, the maid, the cook, the laundress, the pastry chef and the plumber with him, so the apartment looks like it has been home to several weeks of bacchanalian revelry.

Umm, which it has.

Top that off with the fact the toilet overflowed late Friday night (and I really and truly had a moment where I considered just shutting the door and having Husband deal with it this week. I mean seriously, it was heinous. Like, what, did the entire building meet up for chimichangas that night?) and throw in about 5 weeks of takeout containers, and I got myself one heckuva barn burner on my hands.

And perhaps the last few times we’ve spoken I have been less than straightforward about the standard of living around the old abode. There is a slight possibility that Husband is under the impression that the bed has been made once while he’s been gone or that I used the kitchen for more than just blender drinks and shoe storage. But in my defense, our communication has been a bit opaque in our last few exchanges, as one of the last few times we spoke I was also screaming into the phone, “The toilet is overflowing….DO SOMETHING!”

So now I have to spend most of the evening preparing for the return of His Nibs, and by preparing I mean drinking this chardonnay while gazing languidly around the room and then when he calls from the taxi on his way from JFK, I panic and shove a whole bunch of stuff in the oven and under the mattress on my side of the bed.

Listen, he married it.

Anyway, so it is entirely possible that this entry may be a bit shorter than previous ones. But! Many good things happen in shorter versions. For example, I have this client we’ll call Matthew Q. Martin, because that’s his name. MQM pitched to me at Crime Bake last year (awww! It’s our anniversary this weekend!) and although I didn’t sign him out right, for whatever odd reason, we hit it off and became friends. And to add some fangs to the kitten, HE is friends with an editor whom we’ll call Hottie McModelface because, please. Look at her. Anyway, the three of us somehow formed this bizarre triumvirate where we would meet up every few months for booze and bickering. Nobody had signed or sold to anyone, but we still managed to maintain this bastardized version of a functional author team.

Anyway, MQM has this fabulous 6 word story page on his site (check it out: http://www.matthewquinnmartin.com/SixWordStoriesTestPage.html) and Hottie McModelface and MQM and I spent our last outing spouting our six word stories at each other. Now, Hottie kept counting syllables, like a Haiku, (look at her, she’s so adorable you don’t even CARE) and I was well into martini number 2, but good ol’ MQM came up with my favorite six word story of all time. (It’s kinda cheat-y when you use the title this way, but hey! It’s the title.)

Ahem:
An Editor, An Agent and An Author walk into a Bar

The Bartender says, “This a joke?”

Wheeeeeeee! Isn’t it fun? Can you please oh please write me a 6 word story today? For inspiration, go take a peek at MQM’s site.

*The final note is I have thrown a curve at our precarious trio by signing Matt, but please. You would have almost hurt yourself getting to the phone after reading the latest. We seem to be doing fine, and my next goal is to sell something to Hottie McModelface just to even out the playing field. And by even out, I mean I win everything.

Have fun! Can’t wait to read!

14 Comments

The fourth manuscript is the charm.

Posted by: Lauren | November 10, 2009 at 07:29 AM

Scary Slush
Horror is reading another vampire romance.
or
Barbara’s Motto
Tidy apartment? That’s someone else’s job.
Or
New Writer
Good words but in wrong order.
or
Movie Adaptation
Remove story and add car chases.

Posted by: Bontemps | November 10, 2009 at 08:13 AM

hahhaaaaaaaaahahah...SING IT, SISTER!

Posted by: Barbara Poelle | November 10, 2009 at 09:48 AM

These are all good, but Movie Adaptation ROCKS

Posted by: Barbara Poelle | November 10, 2009 at 09:49 AM