Distinguished members of the Jury of Book Writing, we're here today to hear the evidence in the case of Editor v Always. Co-defendants include Never, Usually, and Sometimes.
Now I know most of you here today are wondering, well, you're wondering just what the problem is, in the Editor's eyes. These words are perfectly viable, and in many ways useful, are they not? How can these individual words offend?
Defense council will tell you that hey, they're just words. They're part of larger sentences, and they are doing their job: they're communicating the writer's ideas to the reader. Let's give 'em a break, he'll say, let 'em work and not complain.
BUT NO! The Editor says they are LAZY! She says that overuse of those insidious words is telling, not showing.
She says DOWN WITH ALWAYS!
Exhibit A:
versus
Quinn buttoned up his shirt, the familiar feel of the fabric a physical reminder of the job he hated. He wondered what had become of his latest suggestion-box entry: Employees who have been with the company for five or more years should be given the privilege of a casual Friday. There hadn't been any mention of his suggested policy in the latest newsletter. Quinn wasn't surprised. In the ten years he'd worked there, all but one of his suggestions had been ignored. Today, Quinn thought on his way out the door, might be a good day to die.
Your readers are entering a story mid-stream. Yes, there are habits that your characters have possessed since their character-childhood, and you want to indicate that longevity to your reader. BUT, the Editor says, the way to do this is NOT with Always. Always indicates a false sense of permanence; Always is shorthand language.
Your readers deserve more than shorthand.
Exhibit B:
Callie had never felt this way before in her entire life. Was this love?
versus
Callie put a hand on her stomach. Her body tingled, a feeling altogether unrecognizable. Was this love?
Both get across your meaning: Callie has met someone who is opening new doors in her life and exposing her to new feelings. She's in love. But by falling back on a Never, the first example feels flat.
Remember: In real life, there are very few Alwayses and Nevers. You want your fictional world to feel real to your readers, and so you should keep that in mind.
Thank you, dear, distinguished, devoted members of the Jury of Book Writing. Continue your WIPs, and take from this case what you will.
The Editor will remain Always vigilant.
(haHA, did you see what I did there?!)
My Finished Draft Prep Checklist includes the following items:
❑ "That" check
❑ "Usually" check
❑ "Always" check
❑ "Just" check
❑ Awkward prepositional phrase check
And yet they still get through.
Posted by: Bill Cameron | January 21, 2010 at 01:22 PM
That is great advice. I looked through the short story I'm working on now this afternoon, found two "nevers," and rewrote those sentences. The result is much stronger. Thank you!
Posted by: Sam Falco | January 21, 2010 at 09:30 PM
I'm always afraid to talk to editors. I never seem to get the words right.
mwahahahaha
Posted by: Paula Matter | January 22, 2010 at 11:05 AM
Seriously, though, very good post. Lots to think about.
Posted by: Paula Matter | January 22, 2010 at 11:07 AM
Alison, I will always love you.
(see what I just did there?)
Posted by: Rebekah Jude | January 31, 2010 at 02:08 AM