It's Dusk and the Water is Murky- Who Wants to Race me to the Buoy?!!?

by Barbara Poelle

I know we are allll clamoring to talk about it, so I will start.  For me I think the best part was that random scene with that socialite who gets thrown playfully off the dock by some dude, and then BAM! the Dinoshark gets her in a geyser of arterial spray, but when the camera cuts back to the dude on the dock, rather than screaming and clawing at his own flesh in terror, his facial expression reads more like, “Do I like Jell-O?” 

Awesome.

Hm?

No, surely you did.

No, you MUST have. Of COURSE you did.

How could you not have watched the SYFY world premiere of Dinoshark last Saturday night? Unless you were donating a kidney or reffing a hobo fight, there is nothing that should have kept you away from Dinoshark.

Especially on account of the Dinoshark Drinking Game.

Yep. The gang and I (I’m not at liberty to say who, exactly….hmmm who could it have been….) developed a drinking game especially tailored to our Dinoshark viewing, and the rules were as follows:

1.)    Whenever the words “This was no ordinary shark…” are uttered: DRINK

2.)    Dinoshark Breach:  DRINK (and we will accept a half body breach on that)

3.)    Dinoshark Tease:  DRINK (we will accept either someone screaming and it turns out to be goofing off, or a scene with a close-up of someone dangling a leg in the water carelessly)

And then added as a last minute rule after the first 10 minutes:

4.)    Whenever actor Eric Balfour forgets he started the movie (inexplicably) speaking with a Mexican dialect: DRINK

See? What fun! A spectacular cinematic treasure and a .25 BAL all in one night!

 And, Husband is somewhere in Ohio doing quien sabe?-  maybe accounts receivable, maybe logging.  So I was free to enjoy Dinoshark debauchery without the eye-rolling and the “After this we are changing to IFC.”  I enjoyed it so freely that wanted it to never end, so I set up a little game for myself this week based on our 4 rule Dinoshark experience.

1.       Whenever the words, “I’m only looking to buy a really big book” are uttered: DRINK

2.       Query Breach:  DRINK (we accept that a breach can include any/all of the following):

a.       Calling me Barb in the salutation

b.      Referring to the work as the next THE HELP because author has also been rejected 45 times

c.       Asking me in the body of the initial query to also include in my reply names of colleagues that I think might like to read this

d.        Anything beginning with, “Just like Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight…”

e.      Anything that sounds like the title could *also* be Rapey McRaperton and the Rapings on Rape Hill

3.       Editor Tease: DRINK (any phone call or email that begins “I love this book! The writing is phenomenal! But, sadly…”)

4.       Whenever a query forgets it started out as a professional inquiry and reverts into “This is my dreeeeaaaam and you’re in my waaaaaaaayy”:  DRINK

I figure I will be niiiiice and loose by about Thursday at 2:30. So I suggest if you have any actual business to conclude with me you get in earlier rather than later.

Also, speaking of cocktails, if you are in the Chicago area on March 23^rd you should TOTALLY check out my thriller author Jamie Freveletti’s new Literary Salon she started www.chicagoliterary.com . Awesome. Authors getting together and tackling big topics with guest speakers. The topic on the 23^rd is: DOES MONOGAMY KILL THE SOUL? Huh. For some reason Husband says he will be in Chicago on that day…how odd.

Comments

[Keli Scrapchansky]

You could go with 2. a. Calling you Barb OR Babs (this hasn't happened?) in the salutation (I was going to go with Dear BPo), and #5. Referral Tease: "Everyone who has read it, loves it, just ask my mom and husband": DRINK.

[SnoutPetters Anonymous]

I wondered why there was a liquor shortage this weekend.

[Maria]

Darn. Someone already took my "Dear Babs" comment. How about, "Dear Miss Sharky?" No, no: "Dear The Shark of Sharks, you are my dream agent, the dream path to achieving my dreeeeeams!!!"

:>)

Maria

[Alli]

Thursday at 2.30? I thought you'd be under the table with toilet paper wrapped around your head singing sea shanties by 7.23 pm Tuesday at the latest.

[Carrie]

Just wait until Sharktopus airs.

http://io9.com/5470224/here-comes-sharktopus

[Mark Phialas]

Ah ha. I'm beginning to get a sense of where "drinks like a fish" comes from.

Also, not to digress but rather to mull, do you have names for these drinks?

As it happens, I have a couple of suggestions.

1. The Dino-Sour. (Put the tang back in tangential). A true angler's concoction.

2. Romeoville and Joilet. A forbidden yet curiously available ale. AKA Love Potion Benign. (But that's a lie.)

[Mark Phialas]

So, one morning Jules Verne wakes up with 8 arms. No wonder he wrote so many books.

[barbara]

O....M.....S I am so blogging a list of rules before it airs so we can all play! (Um, and I am getting a t-shirt)

[Carrie]

Drinks, t-shirts, drinking game rules... the Sharktopus premiere WILL BE GLORIOUS.

I have a feeling the drinking game rules will be remarkably similar to those used for Dinoshark. Roger Corman knows what works.

[schreck]

Movie trivia about Dinoshark:

1. The screenplay was written in the early sixties and the Eric Balfour lead was originally offered to Elvis Presley as a musical. During shooting, Presley objected to the number "Cotton Candy Sharkland" and stormed off the set. That night he flew to Washington with Ann Margaret to have dinner with Richard and Pat Nixon. Ironically, the Nixons served Mahi Mahi, which was the title of a song Presley later recorded on the "Fun In Acapulco" soundtrack.

2. The Dinoshark mechanical shark seen in the film is powered by a Commodore 64 computer.

3. Humberto Busto, who plays Calderon in Dinoshark, once starred in an Off Broadway all Muppet production of The Man of LaMancha. He contracted a case of crab lice from his understudy's costume. He was subsequently sued by the estate of Robert Goulet for damages.

4.The European release of Dinoshark has a different ending. Because of the far more sympathetic environmental attitudes overseas, the shark is referred to anger management Rolfing classes at the movie's climax.

[barbara]

Wow, just... Wow. Ladies and gentlemen, Tom Schreck.

[Lauren]

Don't know about souls, but monogamy would kill my checkbook.

(Ha. I just realized how that sounds)