I Have A Few. But Then Again...

Jeff Cohen

Things haven't been so hot, business-wise, around the old homestead lately. It's a function of the truly crappy economy, people refusing to believe in the daily newspaper, and other such stuff that I can blame my lack of business on. I'm getting by, but not as by as I'd like to get.

This, for reasons that would be too boring to explain, got me to thinking about regrets. People who say they don't have any are either lying or in denial, and so yeah, I have some regrets. But not big ones. Not yet, anyway.

* I regret that, unless something drastic happens, I will probably never meet Mel Brooks.

* I regret not having gone back to school for a Masters degree 10 years ago, so I could apply for teaching jobs now.

* I regret not having developed a better appreciation for fruits and vegetables, and those of you warming up to leave a comment saying, "it's not too late," yes, it is.

* I regret not having spoken to Mickey Mantle the one time I was face-to-face with him. I think I said something like, "aaaaaaahhh..." (You may insert gargling noises if you want the full effect.)

* I regret a few things I've said to people that they didn't think were jokes.

*I regret not going to see Ringo Starr when he was touring with his first All-Starr Band. That lineup was interesting. This year's? Eh.

* I regret not having learned enough about marketing and promotion.

* I regret this one time I called someone I know by a name that was someone else's. Repeatedly. It was just a brain cramp.

* I regret the times I tried to teach my son to ride a bike. He learned elsewhere, and I should have quit when I had the chance.

* I regret not realizing when I'm actually good at something.

* I regret not going down to see my father that last night.

* I regret something I said to my college girlfriend after she was finished being my college girlfriend. I wasn't lying; I was mistaken.

* I regret not having painted the side door to my house. Gonna need a new one this spring.

* I regret not buying a Prius three years earlier.

* I regret a few times I yelled at my children. I don't regret others.

* I regret not writing a novel until I was 42.

* I regret resisting barre chords for so many years.

* I regret not actually being able to tour with a book. I'm not sure it helps, but I'd at least like to find out.

* So far, I regret not reaching a large enough audience. I intend not to have that regret in the near future.

Next week: Things I don't regret.

LP-to-Digital Conversion Project Update: Let me begin by saying that Richard Pryor was a fearless, brilliant, angry, genius-level comedian, actor and writer. My problem is I don't laugh when I listen to him. I'm not shocked or offended, either, which might have bugged Pryor (assuming he cared if I was shocked), but the frequent use of profanity really doesn't bother me. I'm from New Jersey.

The Punsters, an overlooked and hilarious band whose song parodies were right on the money most of the time, deserve a mention. Besides, their original (and, of course, best) drummer was my friend and part-time cousin, Ken Cohen. Sophomoric? Maybe a little. Not always the best sung ever? Could be. Funny? Sure. Almost all the time.

Gerry Rafferty, who gained fame first as half of Stealer's Wheel ("Stuck in the Middle With You") and then briefly again as a solo artist ("Baker Street") was a relatively prolific, always entertaining grump, complaining about this or that with irresistible hooks and wild overproduction. I'm a big fan of his music, particularly the albums "City to City," "Snakes and Ladders" and "North and South." Check him out.

We're just now beginning a major exploration of Bonnie Raitt's career (thanks to my lovely wife), to be followed by The Rascals, Lou Reed, The Roches and Linda Ronstadt. Should be an interesting week.

Comments

[P. Casey Morgan]

Bonnie Raitt -sigh. Her first album, then "Home Plate" and "Sweet Forgiveness" - I don't think there's a false note on one of those. I still listen to those three regularly. Some great songs on "The Glow," too, but there's at least one smoke break there. Do you actually sit and listen to each album as it plays/records? All of it/them? I can't decide if that's admirable, in a historic, archival way or masochistic, in an anal-retentive way. Either way, it's been interesting to read about what you've heard each week and how it's compared with what you remember about the various artists.

[Liana Brooks]

In general I think I regret the chances I didn't take more than anything else. Things I've done can be fixed. I can work through bad choices. But no choice at all? It kills all the possibilities.

[Theresa de Valence]

I think it's very brave of you to have written this post because, not only did you set the baseline, but you actually had to answer the question of regrets . . . in public.

I regret a great many things, some of them quite trivial. All of the recent ones regularly wake me up in the middle of the night where only a comfort read will put me back to sleep.

[Pepper Smith]

Ah, I still harbor a fondness for Gerry Rafferty. Don't know if I still have his albums, but I know I had a few of them.

[Jeff Cohen]

Casey, I have to listen to the whole album (pretty much) because I have to push a button every time the track changes, or the whole side of the album will come out as one track. In fact, I just pushed it between sentences. Its kind of like being on the second season of Lost.

[schreck]

Jeff,

Man, we share an awful lot of regrets. Barre chords being the only one I want to mention.

[Jeff Cohen]

Life is still pretty good, though, Tom.