I Tot I Taw 140 Characters

by Barbara Poelle

So, I don’t Facebook or Twitter or My Space, I'm not LinkedIn, and this is the only blog I play nice on, and that’s only one day a week. So far I have managed to happily avoid the time sucking, myopic, virtual world that screams LOOK AT WHAT I AM DOING! LOOK AT WHAT I AM WEARING! LOOK AT WHAT I AM THINKING! LOOK AAAAAAT MEEEEEEE! And I have been quite content to do so.

However, colleagues and friends alike have been absolutely putting the screws to me as of late, and I’ll admit it: I am starting to crumble beneath their EVER CONSTANT BARRAGE OF SCOFF AND RAGE with regards to one aspect.

It’s the Twitter, you see.

Oh yes, I am feeling the call of the wild. The siren song whisper. That nearly feral need to curl into the leathery winged embrace of the information super highway and serve my brain matter up like so much rice pudding.  Maybe this is because I am noticing that there are some positives about the constant barrage of LOOK WHAT I THINK. I recently used a friend’s account to ask about new works and another to learn about a book launch I was interested in, and yet one more even to pull a comp title from the massive mind of that ever ready Twitter nation thrumming beneath us all in the system of tubes known as the internet. Beyond that, I have actually laughed out loud upon hearing some of my clients tweets and wished I had seen them first hand rather than being told about them later. I feel lately like I am arriving at the party after the deer has already crashed through the picture window- I can see something crazy has happened, but hearing it told sans flailing just isn’t the same.  (I like how that looked French or Latin or something, like I insert foreign languages into my daily rhetoric all the time and am not just talking in italics about glass breaking and people falling over tables.)

But as I lean, ever so gently,  like a Polish Tower of Pisa, I still feel a great deal of concern about launching 140 characters worth of spontaneous thought into the ether. (Oh please, let’s be honest: launching 140 characters worth of vodka laced spontaneous thought into the ether.) I mean, what could I possibly have to say?

Also, I don’t want just ANYBODY to be able to follow me on Twitter. I need to preserve some sense of self. So I would need a name that is obvious to those who know me, and yet camouflaged enough to protect me from the looney tunes and/like/or Janet Reid. So let me try a few names out, and a few test tweets, and you all can tell me what you think.

Ahem, okay:

ChopinsMistress  they are serving me 2  4 1 at Woodys I am so totally plussed :)

Or maybe:

HzbandsBaneofXistnce  quick how do I clean scorch marks off the ceiling and app not peanut butter cuz made it waaaay worse

Hmmm. Or:

ReidHammer1 where can I buy an airhorn in Pacoima- preferably one that has a siren mode

 Okay:

Skadgetastic99 how normal is it to froth?

Hmm- let me try:

 ChumLuver33  charcharodon carcharias lurking on the cape- whoz with me?

See? I am just not sure if any of these are right. So I am asking you, my people, my only nation, do you think I should twitter? What name should I use? And what is an example of a tweet you might expect to see from me?

Sincerely,

IngasNemesis700

Comments

[Noelle Pierce]

I can't possibly be the first commenter on this, but I can't find the others. Anyway, I would love to see you tweeting, if only to get more frequent updates on the Skadger situation. I think you're blog posts are some of the funniest I read (okay, I admit I don't get out much, but they're still laugh-out-loud funny), and I'm not funny, so I couldn't begin to imagine what you'd say in a tweet. But I have faith it will be just as wonderful as your blog posts, and more frequent (making it icing on the cake!).

[LaurenDeStefano]

I'm kinda digging the PolishTowerofPisa now that you said it.

I'd love to see you on twitter, but I can see why it's not a first priority on your end. If you want to know what I'm up to, you can consult the phone taps and the bugs you planted in my rafters.

[writtenwyrdd]

All the cool kids are doing it, so I suppose it's inevitable you must as well! :)

Twitter is very amusing but an extreme time suck. The rare times I post or follow it, it's using Tweetdeck on the PC or via mobile Twitter on the phone.

As far as what to say? I am always trying to be witty and failing. You can join my very non-exclusive club!

[DeadlyAccurate]

TheSlitheryOne
BPoelle (so crazy and original, no one will suspect it's really you)
BaneofReid
TheSkadger

[ella144]

I love Twitter, but it can be a black hole in regards to time. That said, I look forward to your blog posts each week (even though I rarely comment--I'm usually laughing too hard to type!) and would love to see you on Twitter.

[Paula Matter]

If you were on Twitter, you'd know what Janet Reid just wrote about you...

[barbara]

Thank you. The only thing I love more than potato vodka is flattery. And Francisco totally scared the crap out of Husband last night as he passed the garbage on our curb. Clearly, someone needed to tweet that.

[Pamela Cayne]

More name suggestions:

KoolAidIsYummy
SharkWeek52
VodkaSlushie
NessiePoodlebottom
EatFear4Bkfst
Sh*tMyAgentSays

And if you're lucky, you'll get a book and tv deal if you choose the last one. (Shatner optional.)

[Dana Kaye]

I LOVE Sh*tMyAgentSays!

[barbara]

I AM DYYYYING over Sh*tMyAgentSays. I am sure you can only imagine the things I have said to my clients. It might need to happen.

[barbara]

Hmmm, point well taken.

[Susan M. Boyer]

For the love of chocolate, yes! Tweet!! Send forth your vodka-inspired notions into the ether with wild abandon! It will be hysterical. I love, love, love, Sh*tMyAgentSays. But, I'm leaning toward La Slitherina Herself...

[[email protected]]

Definitely hook up with TweetDeck! Twitter is a major black hole of time, but if you have TweetDeck up in the background you can do other things and the updates beep in. You know...the ones from Janet Reid! :)

[DeadlyAccurate]

I want to change my vote to ShitMyAgentSays.

[Doug Perry]

I too am usually spewing on my keyboard when I read your blog posts. (My wife just thinks I am upgrading to the latest tech, but I'm actually replacing my keyboard)

I think you would be a hoot on Twitter, though depending on what you want to use it for, you might just go with a name like

BarbaraPoelle

I realize it is a little unimaginative, but don't tell you mother that.

[Denny S. Bryce]

Do it! Succumb to the tweet!

[Ann Marie]

Oooh, yes, please tweet. Pick a short name, though, so replying or retweeting doesn't lose too many of the 140 characters.

[Bev]

Donnnnn't do it, it's a real time suck. Even TweetDeck. I literally have to shut off my internet connection to get work done because I work on the computer all day. It's like a drug. Take it from me...I'm addicted.

[Susan Adrian]

Clearly you need to join Twitter, if only to see what Janet says about you. EVERY DAY.

[Kay Cassidy]

That would be a big ol' YES vote, Madam Princess Poelle. I can always use more laughter in my day. :-)

[T.S.]

Barbara, I'm a fan of Twitter to keep in touch with colleagues and friends, though I also love the idea of having somewhere to just write random short thoughts when they pop into my head.

Definitely join. You'll get more TS than you do now, with me being unemployed/temping.

[Lisa Hughey]

Pretty please...your tweets would be fabulous. ps--you could spy on your clients :)

[Kris Kennedy]

Hmmm....Sh*tMyAgentSays is good, but too long. No one can conveniently retweet you.

Not to buck a trend here, but . . . I don't think you should do it.

I always thought it'd be cool if you tweeted, until I hear you're thinking of tweeting, and I realize I'm glad you don't tweet. Unless you think you need to for your business, I like the old school-ness of you being a twitter void. And anyhow, sharks are prehistoric.

[SoSweetLucidity]

Please join Twitter. Quirky musings and wise advice are very much needed on there. It takes getting used to (I'm a newbie myself), but it certainly grows on you.

[Sherry Stanfa-Stanley]

I think you have no choice but to go by IngaVonPeep.

Yes, Twitter's addictive, but I'm guessing you have bigger issues, what with that supply closet filled with IV bags, plastic tubing and cases of vodka.