Barbara Poelle
Well here we are, the last Dead Guy post for me. It has been amazing. Here are a very few reasons why I will miss this:
10. I told Heather Snow to “pants the balls off of that proposal” and she knew EXACLTY what I meant. It pays to have been spouting nonsense in a public forum for two years; people start to be fluent in Poelle.
9. Sophie Littlefield adopted a shark for me and Stephanie Feldstein adopted a dugong for me. My bathtub would never be so full without Dead Guy.
8. Abby Zidle said reading my entries is like watching a living room full of people quietly chatting and drinking tea and then a deer smashes through the picture window. And then she made me a stamp that reads: UNLEASH THE DEER. And I do. Every chance I get.
7. Neil Nyren came up to me at an event (NEIL NYREN!) and made an INSIDE JOKE from my blog. I wanted to say something flippant and witty back, but instead chose to babble incoherently and then fall over a planter, which I think worked too.
6. Robert Lewis sent me a bottle of potato vodka and then a link about guitars because if I am going to allow Husband to have yet another musical instrument I will need some sort of buffer. And by buffer I mean martini. And by martini I mean 7.
5. CJ Lyons called me after reading I was having some sort of attack last February and walked me through everything I needed to get at the pharmacy. Janet Reid did the same thing, but all of her instructions had to do with the liquor store and the gun shop. So I went with Doc Lyons….well, OKAY, a little of column A, a little of column B.
4. Every time I was concerned I might need an intervention I would think to myself, “But will my blog be as funny if I am a teetotaler?” And it ISN’T! God bless the enabler, even if they are in the form of an audience of 11. (BUT ONE OF THEM IS NEIL NYREN AND SO HE SHOULD COUNT TWICE!)
3. Whenever something awful would happen to me, my clients, or colleagues I knew I could turn it into something we could laugh about the next Tuesday and it just made everything better.
2. No matter how many times I have begged and pleaded for the love of GOD for someone to write me an “it devours from beneath horror/thriller” no one ever has. OH WAIT- OPPOSITE DAY IS BACK ‘CAUSE THAT ONE IS NOT AWESOME. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??!?!
1.5 Holly Root dressed as me for Halloween. Okay, that didn’t have anything to do with the blog, but was pretty much the awesomest thing ever. She made me swear by punishment of horrible torture not to blog to you guys about it and I am terrified of the Death Kitten unleashed, but COME ON! YOU NEEDED TO KNOW RIGHT?!?!? I won’t share photos, because there is just too much happening in them to preserve anyone’s dignity, but all I can say is: LEGENDARY.
1. Every Tuesday my husband would wake up and say, “I am so excited to read your blog today!” And if that ain’t true career/life blending, nothing is.
Thank you for a wonderful two years of allowing me to unleash the deer. Looking forward to reading my dear friend, the ever genius, effervescent, wildly successful MICHELLE BROWER coming to a Tuesday near you in 2011. Best Wishes for a Happy and Safe New Year!
I'm going to miss you, Barbara! But my laptop won't, having had all manner of beverages spat over it whilst I was reading your blog entries!
Posted by: Lartonmedia | December 28, 2010 at 08:45 AM
I'm just glad we'll still have your profanity-laced, vodka-fueled, all-caps tirades on Twitter.
Thanks for a wonderful and LOL-filled two years!
Posted by: Pamela Cayne | December 28, 2010 at 09:39 AM
My Tuesday a.m. will no longer be the same without you. Thanks for all the fun, the laughter and wisdom (yep, there have been pearls among the vodka). Now I gotta go find you on Twitter. :-D All the best!
Posted by: Kim W | December 28, 2010 at 09:53 AM
Thanks for these two years, Barbara!
Posted by: Alison Janssen | December 28, 2010 at 10:04 AM
We're gonna miss you a ton, Barbara. Thanks for the two years, and thanks for recommending Michelle!
Posted by: Jeff Cohen | December 28, 2010 at 11:23 AM
You totally shattered my cynical take on New York literary agents. Hope you do some guest blogs. This Frozen Northerner will miss you, for sure, eh?
Posted by: Roy Innes | December 28, 2010 at 12:42 PM
How can this be the final Barbara Poelle blog entry? I am sad. No more skadgers, Sharktopus or Tuesday morning martinis as I'm reading your column (never too early, right?). Please return for an occasional guest blog!
Posted by: twitter.com/trow125 | December 28, 2010 at 01:19 PM
I was cheated! I only had you for a year.
Thanks for the laughs.
Posted by: Mary | December 28, 2010 at 01:59 PM
I am SOOOO going to miss reading your entries every Tuesday! There's going to be a huge gulf in my day now. Um... I'll have to try and fill it. With something. And by something I mean wine. And by wine I mean at least three bottles.
**And thanks for mentioning me! That really made my day!:-)**
Posted by: R. Lewis | December 28, 2010 at 02:00 PM
I will so miss these blogs. On Tuesday mornings, when I wake up at the crack of noon, before I even get out of bed I pull this blog up on my iphone to see what hilarity you have written. But I can only blame myself; we all know the real reason you're leaving is because my emails take up all your time. Which reminds me, I need flight booking advice and your opinion on these new sweaters I just bought. Check your inbox.
Posted by: LaurenDeStefano | December 28, 2010 at 02:16 PM
... And I just realized you won't be blogging on Tuesday, March 22, 2011. NOW WHO IS GOING TO PIMP OUT MY DEBUT ON RELEASE DAY!? And by pimp out I mean threaten the internet to buy it.
Posted by: LaurenDeStefano | December 28, 2010 at 02:21 PM
Your humor, wisdom, and drinking games will be missed---but you will come back and comment sometimes, yes?
Posted by: Sarah W | December 28, 2010 at 02:31 PM
Unleash the deer is now a slogan taped to my monitor to remind me how to handle a scene that's too quiet or one that's not going quite badly enough. Thanks for the blogs, Barbara. Will indeed look for you on Twitter! And will miss you here.
Posted by: JJ | December 28, 2010 at 03:07 PM
A toast to your talent and humor. I'll hope one day to see a novel appear from you that takes a wild and merry ride through the world of agenting and publishing.
All best.
Posted by: Ray Rhamey | December 28, 2010 at 03:39 PM
Thanks for a fabulous two years on this blog. At least you've saved me from further embarrasment in front of my kids. Every Tuesday morning I get pitying looks from my three and four year olds and questions like, "Why does mummy sit in front of her laptop and snort coffee out her nose while laughing and saying 'skadger', 'deer' and 'more vodka'?"
Posted by: Alli | December 28, 2010 at 03:51 PM
Tuesdays will now be no better than Mondays. Thanks for the spewed coffee.
Posted by: Adam | December 28, 2010 at 05:06 PM
Aw, man. I only started reading these about a month ago, when I worked my way back through the archives over the course of about a week and kind of went insane. Which was fun, and I'm sorry to see it end, though it's really not over until I get the glass shards out of the ceiling.
(And I am very upset by item 2 because I am on page 100 of Land Squid and if you don't like it I am going to have to go and drink all the vodka in the world and there won't be any left for you.)
Posted by: Daisy | December 29, 2010 at 12:59 AM
The upside is that people won't compare your off-the-wall hilarious Tuesdays with my not-at-all-funny Wednesdays.
The downside is you won't be there any more.
Come back and visit, won't you?
Posted by: Lynne Patrick | December 29, 2010 at 07:17 AM
Thanks for the mamaries.
Posted by: Mark Phialas | December 29, 2010 at 03:34 PM
Is it safe to come out on Tuesdays now?
Posted by: Ingrid VonPeepenskeeven | December 31, 2010 at 10:25 AM
:(
Posted by: Carrie | January 02, 2011 at 10:16 AM
Aw man, I'm taking over for you and even I miss you. Luckily I get some IRL. But I'm no match for Ms. Poelle in terms of wit and verve, so bear with me everyone (although, if you catch our double bill at a conference, we are pretty darn entertaining if I say so myself).
Posted by: Michelle Brower | January 03, 2011 at 06:12 PM
It has been nice blogging with you - thanks for the laughs.
Posted by: Dale Spindel | January 05, 2011 at 07:54 PM