To Friend or To Unfriend, That is the Question

Jeff Cohen

Those expecting a holiday-themed post will no doubt be disappointed:

 

A while back, I used this space to lay out my criteria on whose friend requests I would and would not accept on Facebook. Since one of the founders of Facebook has now become Time Magazine's Person of the Year (it's no longer man or woman of the year?), this seems a good time to revisit the topic, sort of.

Since that time, the friends list on my Facebook page has grown some, which I attribute less to my burgeoning popularity and more to the fact that eventually, everybody will be everybody's Facebook friend, and the term will have even less meaning than it does now. But given that "only" 5000 people are allowed on an individual's page--a number arbitrarily chosen by someone at Facebook, probably the Person of the Year--I figure I'd better do some pruning, just to make sure that I have room when real friends show up and make a request.

So in that interest, allow me to detail the conditions that will cause me to "unfriend" someone already on my list: 

1. If your name is written in an alphabet that I don't actually read, I will unfriend you. I don't like to have friends whose names I don't know and can't pronounce;
2. If the only messages I've received from you in two years involve my showing up at your book launch party, sorry, I'm not your friend--you see me as a potential customer. If, however, you get in touch regarding other things and THEN discuss your upcoming tome, that will not be grounds for immediate unfriending;
3. If you send me ANY messages regarding your need for a new goat or something in ANY Facebook game, you're gone;
4. If you use the word "awesome" more than once a month in a status update, I will not see your next one;
5. If you refer to your husband as "hubby" or wife as, I dunno, "wifey," I will not be coming back;
6. I usually have no problem with political statements, but too many admiring Sarah Palin references are going to put you definite jeopardy;
7. You want me to join your group for self-published authors? See ya;
8. Red Sox fan? You'd better be a really good friend;
9. Trash my books anywhere on the web and I will track you down and unfriend you;
10. Make more than one New Jersey joke a year, and you're gone. Chris Christie jokes, however, are exempted. But not fat jokes, please. Let's concentrate on what a bad governor he is.
11. Even mention "Twilight" and you're going to be up for review;
12. More than one status update a week regarding something adorable your cat did, and you can count me out;
13. This week's special: Wish me a merry Christmas, and I'll see you around;
14. Send me one of those "Fill Out This List" notes, and if it doesn't engage my interest, I will consider that an act of hostility;
15. Let's face it--if you're not my actual friend, you don't care if I unfriend you. You ingrate! You're gone!

 If you're an actual friend and I like you, however, all bets are off.

Comments

[Lartonmedia]

It took me a while to get wise to the number of writers wanting to friend me, who were simply using Facebook for BSP. I'm now choosier about who I accept friend requests from. And yay for the 'hide' button, which means the six worst BSP merchants are hidden from my view!

I haven't defriended anyone yet, but I'm coming close to it with one or two heavy-duty religious people (well, I didn't know when they friended me, and they obviously ignored my sarky comment under religion!)

[Fiona Marsden]

Oooops I mentioned something sparkly and it wasn't Xmas lights. I could be in trouble. I was pleased to see being a stalker doesn't necessarily put you on the naughty/review list.

[Patty Andersen]

I've "unfriended" the over-the-tops in either religion or politics and I block all games that allow it. Wish I could block the requests for help as well but those don't give that option. I don't care if you need a red pop gun in Mafia Wars. I've gotten good as skimming posts and only stop on things that really catch my attention. Or for people I never skip. Jeff, E.J., Diane Kovaks, and Kaye Barley on my *always read" list.

[Theresa de Valence]

Jeff, you do know you can suppress all games from your version of FB, don't you?

Happy Holidays,
Theresa

[jenny milchman]

Wow, I so do not have enough friends to unfriend any besides the really, really mean ones.

I winced at some of these because although I *think* I usually write "husb" for short I have [crouch] used "hubby" on occasion...I admit it!

But I will stop NOW. I want to keep Jeff Cohen a friend for life. He's way too awesome not to.

First time I used it all month, and it's almost the 21st.

[bookwitch]

I'm itching to do almost all of the above. But, unfortunately we are not fb friends, so maybe there is no point. I'm really very nice, though. ; )
Most of my fb friends call their husbands the H. Is that OK?
I have one very religious friend. We went to school together, so I value having got in touch with her again. But the bible quotes are getting to me.
I'll look you up on facebook now, Jeff...

[Shirley Wetzel]

I THINK I'm safe, Jeff, but I'm not sure about #13 - I hadn't planned to wish you Merry Christmas, seeing as - well, it didn't seem appropriate, but if you want me to, I will. "See you around" means you'll really see me again someday, right?

I must confess I am a Reformed Farmville player. When I first got on FB, I thought I had to respond to all the requests people sent me. I do hate to be rude. I got over that pretty quick. I will never ask you or anyone else for a goat.

Come on back to Houston, where it hardly ever snows - although I did have to wear a sweater to work last week. And Happy Whatever!

[Carolyn J. Rose]

Hubby? Wifey? Ugh.
Proselytizing? You're outta there. Too many F-bombs? Deleted.
Otherwise, hey, I can always skip over the message.