by Michelle Brower
Allow me to explain. I have a dream that someday I will own a pony named Mr. Pickles, and I'll ride him all around the town, enforcing frontier justice in a cute yet iron-fisted way. Even though I don't do these things in real life, I will probably also smoke cigarettes and drink whiskey and shoot tin cans from 100 paces with my six shooter (ok, so maybe I drink whiskey and occasionally sneak a cigarette in real life, but I definitely do not own a six shooter). Mr. Pickles and I will inspire fear and awe from everyone we meet. And I am thinking about all of this WHY, you ask? Westerns, that's why!
I am pretty universally known as a genre buff, if my earlier post on monsters didn't clue you in (and believe me, there will be more on monsters later). But right now I'm thinking Westerns, almost entirely due to the Coen brothers' remake of TRUE GRIT. Wow. Wowwee wow. It's about manhood, even if you're not a man, and the price of sacrifice. It's about revenge. It's about knowing when to pull the trigger. Also the aforementioned horses, whisky, and cigarettes (and let's not forget cornbread!). I have yet to read the book, but rest assured I shall, someday. But I think I'd be overstating the obvious to say that the Western isn't a terribly viable genre in today's publishing world. I don't like to see them in my slushpile, that's for sure, because they are usually filled with overly sentimental descriptions of "the range" and really weird dialogue. Also, there are usually precious few ladies at the center of the story, and hookers with hearts of gold just don't send my cold agenty heart pitter-pattering. But I WANT there to be a Western that changes my mind- one that can do that perfect so-genre-it's-not-genre dance that the Coen brothers have mastered.
So besides myself and Mr. Pickles, this Western should have a few things that don't usually show up. First of all, a lady protagonist, who can cuss and fight and is smart. Secondly, I think it should take place at a time when the world is changing; I think that tends to explain our perennial love of the Old West. Things were crazy out there, but there was always this sense that civilization is creeping in with all of its benefits and restrictions. That's why Sitting Bull in Buffalo Bill's Wild West show is such a sad thing to consider- in their lifetimes, these outlaws and rapscallions and titans became obsolete. I imagine it is a lot like my grandpa, who can fix anything with hammer, nails, and duct tape, having to deal with Facebook (thankfully, not an actual issue, since grandparents of any variety do not belong on Facebook). This Western also needs real honest to goodness plot development, and a crime can really do that. Because who, after all, doesn't like getting a posse together to hunt varmints? And real characters, who grow and change and who are not just different varieties of stoic and stoic-er. Also, none of the cheesy dialogue I just used (Mr. P and I are exempt from many of these rules, since we are both basically imaginary. Giddyap!).
Does anyone know of any books with all of these? Or any good Westerns published in the last 5-10 years that have breathed life into what, like the buffalo, seems to be a fast disappearing genre? Wherefore art our Ted Turner? I can only think of more literary examples like Cormac McCarthy and Annie Proulx, but there should be one that straddles that commercial/literary line, like one would ride a bronco. Ok, I am officially past the point of no return with bad cowboy jokes, so time to vamoose. Mr. Pickles and I are galumphing off into the sunset...
Oo! Oo! You have to read LONESOME DOVE by Larry McMurtry. One of my fave books of all time. Also, um, what if you had a sidekick and that sidekick was allergic to horses so she rode a hypoallergenic horse, like maybe a naked horse like those weird naked cats. And what if your sidekick wanted to be called "Deputy Mrs. Wentworth Miller". Like, "'Scuse me, Little Lady, but is Depury Mrs. Wentworth Miller riding a naked horse?" And you would say, "Yes, and that naked horse's name is Viceroy Gilford" Um, does that sound fun?
Posted by: barbara | January 18, 2011 at 03:46 PM
Deputy Mrs. Wentworth Miller, it would be an honor to ride with you and Viceroy Gilford! Especially if you sing the high lonesome notes in our duets.
Posted by: Michelle Brower | January 18, 2011 at 04:34 PM
Hubby wanted to name the cat Mr. Pickles.
Posted by: Neliza Drew | January 18, 2011 at 09:21 PM
My husband and MIL, who love westerns and are also fond of pickles, highly recommend reading True Grit and also this one Louie L'Amour about the Sackett daughter, but they can't remember the title. They say that's about it for strong female characters.
Movies, though, we've got:
The Quick and the Dead, which has a very strong woman on a mission.
Rio Lobo has a strong woman on a mission who refuses to listen to the men unless they're *right*. Plus it's got the Civil War and cowboys in it - bonus!
My personal favorite is Rio Bravo, because the character of Feathers (played by the incomparable Angie Dickinson) is supposed to be a sterotype and absolutely refuses.
Posted by: Sarah W | January 19, 2011 at 09:14 AM
Doesn't 'wherefore art' mean 'why are' not 'where are'?
*ducks behind rock to avoid stones thrown*
Posted by: Christina Auret | January 19, 2011 at 10:37 AM
@Christina - yes.
@Barbara - MEET VICEROY GILFORD
http://www.equine.com/horses-for-sale/horse-ad-1053496.html (Bashkir Curly horses are hypoallergenic.)
Posted by: Carrie | January 19, 2011 at 10:48 AM
I've always been a big fan of "Cat Ballou," starring the young Jane Fonda and the pretty durn old Lee Marvin. Instead of the prostitute with a heart of gold, it's that other Female Cliche of the Western, a beautiful young woman determined to avenge her father's death. Still, that does take a lot of gumption.
Just like "True Grit," it was based on a book. "The Ballad of Cat Ballou," by Roy Chanslor.
My favorite part was the two man Greek chorus of Stubby Kaye and Nat King Cole supplying musical interludes all the way through.
Posted by: Judy5cents | January 19, 2011 at 10:49 AM
@ Christina- you are totally right, but I really like how it sounds anyway. Forgive me!
@Judy- awesome, I dig Lee Marvin. On the Netflix it goes.
@Carrie- can you pack one up and send it to Barbara? Make sure to put some air holes in the box.
Posted by: Michelle Brower | January 19, 2011 at 11:01 AM
How about a modern western crime novel just released by NeWest Press with cowboys, Indians, RCMP and a classic Smith and Wesson six-shooter as a key clue? All wrapped up in
Murder in the Chilcotin reviewed recently at http://www.reviewingtheevidence.com/review.html?id=8698
Posted by: Roy Innes | January 19, 2011 at 01:15 PM
How did I forget about Cat Ballou? The theme song is the Earworm that Wouldn't Die.
Posted by: Sarah W | January 19, 2011 at 05:23 PM