11. A public library is a stress-free work environment. Please note that all of the following have happened to me at one time or another during the course of an admittedly lengthy career that includes time spent in both urban and suburban libraries: A very large swarm of unidentified flying insects entered the children's department through a ground level window; a car overshot the curb of our parking lot, colliding with the library's outdoor storage shed; a different car overshot the curb, crashing into and completely destroying the sign on our front lawn; an adult patron vomited blood in the children's room, requiring us to close the entire department for several hours until it could be properly cleaned; a squirrel somehow entered the building through the roof and became trapped in the duct work; an elderly gentleman who was reading the newspaper became unresponsive, necessitating an emergency call to the rescue squad; early in my career I spent a very scary day being stalked by a patron who alternately stared at me and followed me around in an area of the library that was relatively isolated; undercover vice cops used my department to do surveillance of drug deals taking place in the park across the street; a male patron exposed himself to our student page as she was shelving books; a patron who was observed using razor blades to remove the security strips from book spines so he could sneak the books out of the library under his coat without setting off the security alarm was apprehended by the police and given the perp walk out of the building. This is not to mention all of the times over the years when the circulation system crashed with no warning during the course of a busy afternoon. Yes, all of this stuff, at one time or another, was all in my day's work. You may find this hard to believe, but this list is only partial; there is a small handful of even more stressful events that I have deliberately chosen not to describe here.
12. Librarians spend all their time each day reading. It may look to you like I'm reading a magazine, but I'm actually reading book reviews in Publisher's Weekly to decide what to order for our collection. It might also look to you like I'm reading the local newspaper when what I'm really doing is checking to see if the press releases and program announcements I've submitted to the papers were included in that week's edition. I am also paying attention to how well our submissions were positioned -front page above the fold and preferably with a color photo is my favorite. The newspapers also give me the opportunity to keep up with what is going on in other libraries included in our newspaper's circulation area.
13. The library is an archive in which every item purchased should be kept indefinitely. Aside from the fact that some books (medical, computer & travel guides to name a few) go out of date and, for the sake of providing accurate information, should be replaced every few years with updated editions, your typical small town public library is not physically large enough to be able to keep every item, including fiction, indefinitely. Only in the case of local history or some other special collection should the library be expected to serve as an archive. And, unfortunately, this means that the book you donated to the library ten years ago in memory of your neighbor will probably also eventually be weeded from the collection.
14. The public library is interchangeable with my college library. If you are taking English lit 101 and need to find a copy of Pride and Prejudice, your public library is as good a place to go as any. However, if you are doing a paper for your second semester psychology class, I'm pretty certain that your professor will not be happy if the only books listed in your bibliography are the ones by Drs. Phil and Laura that you found in our catalog. While we are able to provide some online resources that would be appropriate for college level research, I am willing to bet that no matter where you are enrolled, your college library - and your college reference librarians - are going to be much better equipped to provide materials that support your course work than we are. With the exception of very large municipal and county library systems, it is important to remember that academic libraries and small to medium public libraries serve completely different functions.
15. The public library is a good place to meet men. In last Sunday's paper, Dear Abby advised a twenty-eight year old woman who was having trouble meeting nice men to quit going to bars and to volunteer instead at either a library, hospital, police station or shelter. Unless this woman is primarily interested in meeting fathers of young children or gentlemen who, if not already collecting social security are pretty close to it, she may want to consider trying one of the other options that Dear Abby suggested. That is, of course, unless she's curious about those cool and interesting male librarians I referred to last week. She should be advised, however, that the workforce in most public libraries is still overwhelmingly female and that the odds are probably not going to work in her favor. (Also, can somebody clarify for me exactly what volunteer opportunities are available at the police department? I think Dear Abby needs to stop phoning it in.)
16. Why don't you have the DVD of that movie that my husband and I saw on our first date back in 1979? Sorry, but my most recent check on Amazon indicates that there are nearly 610,000 DVD titles currently for sale, so you'll just have to forgive us if Love at First Bite didn't find its way into our collection. Unless, of course, there is a sudden demand by the public for a George Hamilton film retrospective.
Postscript: For those of you who might have been wondering, we were fortunate that no one was injured in either of the two car crashes; the elderly gentleman reading the newspaper who was assisted by the rescue squad regained consciousness and appeared to be okay; the squirrel was successfully trapped, removed from the library and released at a local park. The woman who vomited blood refused assistance from the rescue squad (she claimed that she was on her way to a doctor's appointment anyway) and, to our knowledge, has never been back to the library.
Public libraries are a huge waste of tax dollars. It's a horse and buggy technology. If the effete ellites want to pay for them, let them pay, otherwise get your hands out of my wallet.
Posted by: Liberty Not Libraries | February 20, 2011 at 12:13 AM
Thanks again, Dale!
Thee made me laugh, though I think our library *does* have Love at First Bite on DVD. . .
Posted by: Sarah W | February 20, 2011 at 07:22 AM
At risk of feeding the trolls:
a) The word is spelled "elites." Libraries provide access to dictionaries in print and online, if you need one.
b) Libraries also provide information through technology and print media for those who have AND those who have not.
If you refuse to provide a few cents a year towards the education, employment searches, and informational needs of your many fellow citizens who do not have regular access to the Internet (or whichever post-"horse-and -buggy" technology you wish) at home, then you have no right to complain about the dumbing of America. You are part of the problem.
c) Libraries were established in part so that all citizens, regardless of means, could have access to educational and informational materials so that they could make informed political decisions in a democratic environment. This sounds like the definition of liberty to me.
Posted by: Liberty not Illiteracy | February 20, 2011 at 07:37 AM
Sorry, "These" made me laugh.
Posted by: Sarah W | February 20, 2011 at 11:29 AM
Want to read a bestseller or classic but don’t have the cash to spend on new books? Come see us at the library. You can also check out musical CDs, audio books, magazines and DVDs.
Your child has a school report due next week. Three book sources, two online sources and one reference source are needed. Where do you go, Barnes and Noble, or the library?
A senior citizen comes out of their doctor’s office with a troubling diagnosis. The physician does not have the time to discuss this medical problem in detail with the patient. With no one close by to help them research this topic, no computer in the home, where can they find information? They come to the library.
Need an IRS tax form? In a money-saving move, the IRS stopped mailing out tax booklets to individuals. You can stop by your local library for federal tax forms.
Not all websites are created equal. Just because you have access to a computer doesn’t mean you have all the answers to everything at your fingertips. Remember, anyone can post to the web.
We want to help the public gain access to accurate information in a helpful, non-judgmental environment. Come visit us and we will show you firsthand why public libraries are important institutions.
Posted by: Kathleen Czarnecki | February 20, 2011 at 03:09 PM
The library in my town has 16 public-use computers with Internet access. For a good chunk of last year, there was a waiting list to use them, mainly people searching for jobs, or filling out their biweekly unemployment certification.
If you don't wish to pay for a public library, then vote against the next library referendum in your community. If you don't wish to pay library taxes that were voted into existence through a democratic process, then perhaps living under a repressive dictatorship would be more to your liking. They don't have public libraries.
Or go live on an island. But didn't Mr. and Mrs. Howell operate a library on Gilligan's Island?
Posted by: Jonathan E. Quist | February 21, 2011 at 11:08 AM
Hey, our police department does have volunteers. My dad was a police officer, so I stay away from the station, but it just might be a great place to meet men.
Jeri
Posted by: Jeri Bates | February 21, 2011 at 03:46 PM
Libraries über alles!
Posted by: Liberty Not Libraries | February 21, 2011 at 05:48 PM
A large swarm of unidentified insects? Should have pulled out a reference on pest control. It could have been ants or the nefarious termite. Even though most libraries have very little structural wood, think of all those books that could be eaten by termites!! (Don't laugh, I have seen collections of books, documents, files, and a host of other ex-trees devoured by the little buggers)
Your friendly neighborhood termite man.
Posted by: Steven DiStefano | February 21, 2011 at 05:50 PM
I can't imagine life without a library. Even the most backwater dump I was stranded in as a teen had a rudimentary one, and for me it was a lifeline.
Posted by: Angiportus | February 21, 2011 at 07:52 PM
Precisely.
The true foundation of Liberty is free access to information - which is one of the basic benefits of a good public library.
Speaking of information... I notice that when I roll over many names on this site, I get a link to the commentor's home page. When I roll over your pseudonym, I get a link to the Amazon home page. It's unclear just precisely what message you're trying to send, unless perhaps that you're an Amazon shareholder.
Of course, it's easier to throw rocks from an anonymous hiding place. Perhaps that's your point?
Posted by: Jonathan E. Quist | February 21, 2011 at 11:26 PM
I'm not against libraries, I'm not against libraries open to the public, I'm not against free libraries, but I am against libraries paid for by the taxpayer. Food for thoughts: : “Under our Constitution, anonymous pamphleteering is not a pernicious, fraudulent practice, but an honorable tradition of advocacy and dissent. Anonymity is a shield from the tyranny of the majority.”
Posted by: Liberty Not Libraries | February 22, 2011 at 02:01 AM
You better get off the computer now, that possum you were cooking is about done, you wouldn't want your trailer house to burn.
Posted by: MyShoeWillKickYou | May 22, 2011 at 02:06 PM