Just Because You Can, Doesn't Mean You Should

BENJAMIN LEROY

I’ve been participating in social networking on the internet since 1994. Before AOL was widespread, before Myspace gave an outlet to models of dubious character, before Facebook made everybody’s information available to everybody, before we started thinking in 140 character tweets there were usenet newsgroups.

When I first got to college in 1994 I was unaware of the internet. Totally oblivious. I went to the computer lab to write a paper and learned about this mysterious universe of connected machines. Soon, school became an even more secondary part of my life. I was much more interested in reading through newsgroups to find out all sorts of trivia about the world. I read thread after thread about the Chicago Cubs, professional wrestling, hip-hop, punk, and a more culturally relevant Simpsons.

All out of the ether, like magic, I had new friends scattered across the country actively engaged in conversations about things that mattered to me. It felt so underground at the time, this business of trading information about local scenes, obscure musicians, and theories about television shows. When I tell you it was cool, believe me, I thought it was very cool. It was a fun time dinner party at somebody else’s house.

Those halcyon days of yore were also great because, unlike today’s internet, every marketing department, independent huckster, self-aggrandizing 21^st century P.T. Barnum types hadn’t invaded the community with bullhorns and spray paint. Sure, people traded and sold goods, but it was a willing community of sellers, buyers, and traders. Boundaries were respected.

Seventeen years later the interface of the internet has changed significantly.

For starters, there are a few more people online. Pretty much everybody, in fact. Everybody has an email address. Some folks have their own website, some folks have a Facebook page. Some have both. The neighborhood has been built around the Information Superhighway (that’s old timey slang for the internet for those of you who weren’t around back then).

One of the great things about the internet is that it allows people the opportunity to carve out their own space, to build their own presence. It’s easy to build a library of information about your life and to share it with others in the same way that you can customize rooms in your real house or how you can paint the siding whatever shade you want on your 3 bedroom ranch.

All very exciting! And new! And liberating! Life at hyperopportunity!

But every now and again I wish people would remember that social interaction online doesn’t mean that you should be devoid of tact. Your internet neighbors deserve the same kind of respect that your real life neighbors deserve. After all, we’re talking about REAL human beings on the other ends—real humans who sign up for Do-Not-Call Lists and who hate a mailbox flooded with junk mail.

There are few things more annoying than having a nice controlled online environment where you and a few friends (some of them strangers) are hanging out having a conversation and then somebody shows up with a trumpet and blasts out the same riff over and over again, screaming “Hey! Look at me! Help me! What are you guys talking about? Actually, I don’t care! I just want you to buy this!”

Just because the front door is unlocked doesn’t mean it’s a cue for anybody to bust into the party without knocking. Unfortunately, because it’s only the matter of a few mouse clicks to do it, a lot of people do it anyway.

Earlier this week I got an email from a complete stranger—an aspiring writer—who said that we live in the same geographic region and would I please read a sample of her book and give her feedback. No introduction. No description of the book. Nothing that indicated that she’d actually looked at our submission guidelines (that have been closed since last week’s post on this very blog). Would she have taken the same route in the real world with her doctor or an interior designer?

My online space—be it my website or a social media site—is mine. In the same way I don’t want somebody to hang a banner from the trees in front of my house without my permission, I don’t want advertisements cluttering my profile or sales announcements via comments that aren’t an organic part of the conversation.

I want what we had back in ’94, but with an even larger, more informed, faster moving community of real human beings.

 

Comments

[Thomas C.]

Hey Ben,

Courtesy--Is what comes to mind, at least in part. I think it starts at age 2 or 3 when your parent tells you to share your alphabet blocks, or close your mouth when you chew. But even more than that it's in the heart and I think the heart can trump ignorance when we listen. Though, some don't believe it matters because it's in cyberspace, but oh, it does. Not an opportunity to be obnoxious or crash. They think, "I'll do it, what have I got to lose?" Not realizing you lose the most important thing that counts in any business transaction. Credibility.