You Can't Fix What Isn't There

Jeff Cohen

First things first: The Comedy Tonight Mysteries (formerly Double Feature mysteries) are (almost) back! This Thursday, Aug. 1, Some Like It Hot-Buttered will be re-published as an e-book and, for you dead tree fans, an actual paper book! Rest assured that It Happened One Knife and A Night at the Operation will follow on Aug. 8 and Aug. 15, respectively.

These stories, involving Elliot Freed buying a one-screen movie house in Midland Heights, NJ and devoting it strictly to the screening of comedies, hold a very special place in my heart. If you've already read them, thank you. If not, here's your second chance! They'll be available for Kindle, Nook, and all other e-formats, and as physical books. And if the response is strong enough, who knows? Maybe Elliot and company will be back with a new story! (Stranger things have happened, although it's hard to think of one right at the moment.)

And now, onto this week's wisdom (ha!):

The most important thing in writing is to have written. I can always fix a bad page. I can't fix a blank one. ~Nora Roberts

You can say what you want about Nora Roberts, but she does know about writing and being successful at it.

When I'm not being a massive creative force in the mystery writing community (that's a joke, friends), I teach various forms of writing at various colleges. And one thing that students will most frequently ask about is Writer's Block.

I tell them there's no such thing. They disagree. They couldn't send in their assignments this week because they were blocked.

No you weren't, I say. You just didn't write anything.

I couldn't think of anything great to write, they counter. It wouldn't have been any good.

Aha! I conclude, with the air of Sherlock Holmes pointing out how Dr. Watson has once again missed the 800-pound gorilla in the room. You were afraid of writing something that wasn't good enough; you weren't incapable of writing. That's different.

Writers are, by nature, procrastinators. We love nothing better than to find ways not to write. This is especially odd since nobody put a gun to our heads and forced us into this business to begin with. We could have joined our Uncle Murray's accounting firm, but no, we had statements we wanted to make about the human condition and a passion for words! So here we are, looking for reasons not to express those thoughts or craft those words.

We are a strange bunch.

One thing you'll always hear writers talk about in hushed, practically religious tones is our "process." "Process" is the thing we use to justify our sitting around at odd times of the day doing nothing but playing iPhone games (I own no iPhone games, for those keeping score at home, and don't want any) and mining YouTube for the latest hilarious penguin videos other than writing, which is what we always say we're doing when we check in for the 17th time today on Twitter. #AmWriting. Sure you are.

In fact, not terribly long ago at all, I posted a description of a "typical" day for me which included such dire necessities as the New York Times crossword puzzle, playing guitar and napping while listening to TED Talks. I noted that time during the day when I actually write has been getting later and later as I grow more, um, experienced.

But here's the thing: On Wednesdays, I teach in Philadelphia, about a 90-minute drive from my house. That means I'm going to leave my office sort of early and get back sort of late. So I write in the morning on Wednesdays. Because that's when it makes sense to do so. And I can, because the muse is a total liar and can show up whenever summoned.

If I write something lousy, I go back the next day and fix it. If I write something good, I go back the next day and improve it. But I write. Every day. Because that's what I do, and because come September, I'll be teaching on Mondays, Wednesdays AND Thursdays, and that means I want to get my deadlines hit early this time out.

Writer's Block? Don't make me laugh. Well, make me laugh, but not about Writer's Block.

If you write something, you can fix it. If you don't write something, well, how's that going to help?

P.S. Hey, kids! There's still time to sign up for Deadly Ink, New Jersey's only mystery book conference, which convenes this coming Friday, August 2, at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in New Brunswick, and stays until Sunday. I'll be there in all my guises, and so will Hank Phillipi Ryan, Rosemary Harris, Jane Cleland, Donald and Renee Bain, and many others. Come on by and say hello!

4 Comments

Now I understand why I'm so behind on reviews. My mind has shut down due to procrastination.

Oh, on the topic of Comedy Tonight Features, yes please to new stories. I've read all the published books and would like some more.

Posted by: Nora-Adrienne Deret | July 29, 2013 at 10:05 AM

Oh yes I've read and totally enjoyed the first three "Double Feature Mysteries" aka the "Comedy Tonight Mysteries" and hope hope hope for the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh..........books. PLEASE!

Posted by: bree breckenridge | July 29, 2013 at 12:42 PM