The Perils of Lolita on OK Cupid--Advice from Danielle

Danielle Burby

Note From Josh: This week I'll be talking cats in cozies on Rocco LoTempio's blog http://catsbooksmorecats.blogspot.com/. So I decided to give my tireless, talented assistant Danielle the chance to step in and make her Dead Guy debut. And those of you expecting the musings of a semi-exhausted father of three will be in for a surpise--and a LOT of fun. See you next week. JG

 

I have a confession to make: I tried online dating. (This is book related, I promise!) While the part of me that cares about narrative squirms at the idea of romance starting on a website, the part of me that lives in NYC understands how impossible it is to actually meet someone in the chaos that is Manhattan. So, awhile back, I bit the bullet and set up a profile. And…it wasn’t terrible. But that’s a story for another day.

 

As a bona fide fiction addict, I developed a highly scientific method for evaluating the men who sent me messages. Their future with me rested on one thing and one thing only. What did they list as their favorite books? (Well, if I’m being honest, first I looked at their pictures and then their life goals, but taste in novels was a close third.)  

 

Again, scientifically, I identified six different groups of men: The ones who never read; the ones who only read nonfiction; the ones who listed books that they’d studied in high school, but had probably never actually read; the pretentious ones; the ones with a nice mix of classics and current books (aka the only ones worth responding to); and, finally, a very perplexing group of confused men who probably thought they were being impressive. This post is a PSA of sorts to those poor unfortunate souls who, for the good of the world, must be stopped.

 

The first time I read a profile in which Lolita was listed as the guy’s favorite book, I smirked a bit, shook my head, and moved on to the next person. But then it happened again. And again. And again. And again. Before long, I realized a trend was forming. After reading what probably amounted to hundreds of profiles, two books stuck out as the most frequently listed titles. The first was The Great Gatsby, which made sense because the movie had just come out. The second was Lolita. That choice remains a real head scratcher. (If the guy is a doctoral candidate writing his dissertation on Nabokov, I guess I can give him a pass. Although, to be honest, I’ll still question his taste in literature.)  

 

Everything you put on your online dating profile is an advertisement of yourself to the person you’re hoping to attract. Each choice says something specific. My own list of favorite titles was carefully curated to attract the kind of men I was looking for. I mentioned Game of Thrones and emphasized my undying love for Tyrion, for example. I love Tyrion, which means I root for an underdog and choose brains over brawn. See what I did there? Strategy.

 

So what exactly is the strategy behind listing Lolita as a favorite book on an online dating profile? Why have countless men decided that this is a novel that will attract women? I genuinely want to know. Have these guys ever actually read Lolita? I almost hope the answer is no. If they have, what about it is supposed to appeal? It makes no sense on pretty much every level. The content speaks for itself—do you want me to think about Humbert Humbert when I look at your picture? Am I supposed to interpret something about your preferences? (That’s as far as I’m going to take that thought, I promise!) Beyond that, if Russian authors are suddenly the must-read sexy choice, you could go with Tolstoy or Dostoyevsky. What about Proust? Swann in Love is an excellent alternative. I can only speak for myself here, but it doesn’t get much less romantic than Lolita.

 

And, really, why limit yourself to the Russians? Although I guess there are minefields in pretty much every country and literary movement. It’s probably true that no author will ever be completely safe to claim as your favorite. For example, I’m not a Hemmingway fan so I’ll pretty much discount anyone who lists him. If you list Jane Austen, for better or worse, I’ll suspect you of pandering. If you mention Jack Kerouac—or any of the Beats—I’ll assume that you’re pretentious. So I guess there is something to be said for just going all out and claiming a book that just unapologetically and unabashedly goes for it. I mean, if you’re going for morally questionable or, you know, reprehensible, Lolita is probably the best option.    

 

However, if you or anyone you know genuinely wants to meet someone literate and is considering listing Lolita on an online dating profile, please, I beg of you, take a step back from the ledge and think this one through. There is a vast world of amazing literature to choose from. Make the right choice. Stand out from the crowd of terribly misguided people who wrongly believe that they’re making an attractive statement. You have other options!

 

Of course, all of this from the girl who makes a point of listing Virginia Woolf as her favorite author because anyone she dates will play second fiddle to Mrs. Dalloway and To the Lighthouse.

 

I guess it could be worse; at least they’re not worshipping Fifty Shades of Grey. 

 

Comments

[gs]

As a guy, I see every other girl listing looks as their favorite book on okc

[gs]

Er, Lolita

[toni lotempio]

Perhaps they are huge Michael Caine or Sue Lyon fans???????

[toni lotempio]

OOPS sorry I meant James Mason or Sue Lyon fans? As they were the stars of the 1962 movie.

[toni lotempio]

forgot to add good post, DAnielle! In my youth I also tried online dating. it was...an experience.

[toni lotempio]

For those of you wondering where Josh's post re: ROCCO is, it will be on the blog Friday. www.catsbooksmorecats.blogspot.com

[Jeff Cohen]

Very nice post, Danielle! And one more reason I'm glad I'm no longer on the dating scene: How many responses would I get when I said my favorite book is GROUCHO, HARPO, CHICO AND SOMETIMES ZEPPO, by Joe Adamson?

[Danielle]

Is that true??? WHY? Is it a secret code that I just haven't cracked yet? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!

[Danielle]

Thanks, Toni!

[Danielle]

*cue sappy music* All it takes is one response. Quality over quantity, Jeff.
But if you're worried that Joe Adamson won't do the trick, you can always go the trendy route. It's about compromise, right?

[Jeff Cohen]

Well, luckily I’ve been happily married for close to 27 years, so it becomes an academic question. Major sigh of relief on my end.

[Mimi Cross]

Ha! Hilarious post, Danielle!

We will DEFINITELY have to talk about this . . . !

Xoxo,

Your client who is apparently pretentious, and loves Hemingway ;)

[Dating By Luck]

It is common now a days....