You Too Can Be a Neurotic Writer!

Jeff Cohen

For those of you who've been asking, yes, THE QUESTION OF THE MISSING HEAD is indeed going to be available as an ebook for virtually any reader you own. The big e-book sites should now have it listed. Sorry for the delay.

Also: The MISSING HEAD CHALLENGE is growing! Take a picture of yourself with your copy (or the title page on your e-reader) and post it on Twitter or Facebook. For the first 100 people who do so on publication day October 8, I'll donate $3--to be matched by Josh's HSG Agency--to the Autism SPectrum Education Network (ASPEN). A little over a week to go!

And I'm told that our very own Terri's Midnight Ink, which is publishing THE QUESTION OF THE MISSING HEAD will also match the donation, so make sure you get a book on October 8 and post that picture--you'll be donating $9 to ASPEN without spending an extra dime!

An Author's Journey

1. Trying to get an idea: Why didn't I get a REGULAR job?
2. Not trying to get an idea--the idea comes! I LOVE this! I have to write it immediately!
3. Sitting down to write: Um... I know where I want to go... how do I START?
4. Starting: I'll fix this later.
5. Procrastinate.
6. Naming characters: Where are phone books when you need them?
7. Plot begins: Okay, this time be careful about the timeline.
8. First third: This is all exposition! I can't write!
9. Procrastinate.
10. Middle: I'm adding plot twists just to get to the end of a chapter. I can't write!
11. Exact midpoint in word count: You mean this thing isn't over yet?
12. Beginning second half: There is no way this is going to stretch over 80,000 words.
13. Wake up at 3 a.m.: Now I know who the murderer is! Go back to sleep, honey.
14. Plod through to 2/3rds point: Do I remember everything about my story?
15. Forget a story point from p. 23 and have to fix it: I can't write!
16. Notice you're on p. 186 and one of your characters hasn't been seen since p. 17: Cut or rewrite? CUT!
17. Having cut, you are now 1000 words lower than yesterday: I could double up today or...
18. Procrastinate.
19. Kick into gear to drive toward an ending: Wait! Now the day I'm writing has to be 75 hours long!
20. Visualize the ending: I'm going to sleep for a week.
21. Write the climactic scene: I was trying to AVOID the killer explaining it all! Oh, well...
22. Write the aftermath: Favorite part. Get the Haagen Dazs softened.
23. Type in THE END: I am a genius author! Except for all those rough parts.
24. Do a "quick" read-through before submission. This will take a week! How could I write THAT?
25. Submit manuscript to author. Now I really WILL sleep for a week.
26. Wake up at 3 a.m.: Wait! This one plot point negates the whole story!
27. Contact editor with instructions not to read previously submitted manuscript. I'm an idiot.
28. Read through book AGAIN, fixing problems. If I have to look at p. 1 again, I'm going to throw up.
29. Wait months. I have forgotten how to write.
30. Get editorial letter. The whole thing is a disaster! I have to rewrite from p. 1!
31. Re-read editorial letter the next day: Actually, this shouldn't be too bad.
32. Procrastinate.
33. Do all rewrites in two days: I'm a fireman, putting out fires...
34. Receive questions for editor: Timeline problems??? Can't someone else solve this? 
35. Get approved for publication: Finally done with this one!
36. Get first-pass pages: This thing again? Wasn't this published two years ago?
37. Return first pass pages: I am king of the world! This book is finally done!
38. Get questions from production editor: I HATE THIS BOOK!
    
39. Publication day: This is the best thing I've ever done.