Nothing of Substance

Jeff Cohen

• They play John Lennon's "Imagine" in Times Square right before the ball drops every year. I don't think anybody really listens to the lyrics.
• As is my family's custom, we watched the Marx Brothers on New Year's Eve. This year, one of the selections was DUCK SOUP. It was eerily prescient. ("If you think this country's bad off now, just wait 'til I get through with it.")
• I thought the Yule Log might be the silliest thing to watch on TV when I was a kid. Now I realize it's tuning in to watch time pass while a million people stand for hours in the cold with silly hats and no bathroom.
• Watching a marathon of The Twilight Zone on a holiday weekend based strictly on the passage of time is a little cruel.
• Baseball should have no offseason. After the World Series, an alternative Major League should begin for four months playing only in warm climates.
• Every once in a while I just can't play guitar. (I'm never really very good.) I can't make simple chords. I figure what little ability I had is leaving me. Then I cut my fingernails and go, "Oh yeah."
• At the end of each year I look for a wall calendar for my office and end up making my own on iPhoto. This year it's pictures of acoustic guitars. 
• Some people look at the beginning of the year as a chance for a sort of rebirth, an opportunity to take stock and make adjustments to improve themselves. I think there's something wrong with those people.
• Every year the Farmer's Almanac tells us in the Northeast that we're going to have a horrendously difficult winter. It's right about half the time.
• The Weather Channel has to stop naming winter storms. That's just stupid.
• People ask me what kind of music I have on when I'm writing. Right now I'm listening to Gerry Rafferty. 
• If I never have to go another wedding that doesn't involve one of my children, I'm fine with that.
• How happy are clams, really?
• Go see LaLa Land. It's an end-of-the-year movie that's not depressing. How often do you get one of those?
• I just read The Daily Show: The Book. I am more convinced than ever that Jon Stewart is a genius and while he is clearly happier, we are lessened by his absence on television.
• Hey. I hope you have a really good year. For the record, I'd like to do the same. Let's put some effort into that.

 

Pitchers and catchers report in 43 days.

Comments

[Matt Black]

Avtually, you should say...
'Honey, there's a dead guy in the freezer.
Want me to thaw him out???'

Google+: kold_kadavr _flatliner

[Lynne Patrick]

Is it tempting fate to say surely 2017 has got to be better than 2016?
And don't they have fireworks in Times Square? They should! The ones in London even look good for the ten minutes our TV is on - though you're right about the people who go down there in person, wear silly hats and cross their legs for six hours.