Cancer Sucks. I'll Beat It.

Jeff Cohen

The third time, as it turns out, is definitely not the charm.

In 1992 a chest x-ray showed something my doctors thought was lung cancer. A stay in the hospital and a biopsy resulted in negative results (that means "not cancer") and after picking myself up off the ceiling I moved on. Then in 2007 came the scare about nodules under my chin. Suspected lymphoma. Hospital stay. Biopsies. Negative results.

This time I wasn't so lucky. When those same nodules began to move down and grow, I had a strange sense of deja vu. But this time the biopsy--under anesthesia, like the one in 1992--didn't return the results we wanted.

I was diagnosed with a form of Hodgkin lymphoma just after the new year began, but I'd assumed this time wasn't going to be like the others. The tumors under my jaw were too large and grew too fast. So a series of scans and tests were performed. The doctors tell me there isn't anything else sinister hiding in my body.

The prognosis is very good, they say. In fact, the oncologist tells me he's certain my treatments will take care of the cancer "forever." You can't do much better than that.

But the next few months will not be wonderful. I'll be going in for chemotherapy treatments every three weeks, starting this Wednesday. I don't know much about how that feels, but I don't anticipate it'll be great. I will lose my hair. I realize it's a small price to pay for saving my life, but that's going to bother me. Vanity? Maybe. I've always been the one with the curly hair. For a few months, I'll be something else. 

I'm not asking for a response from DEAD GUY readers, seriously. This is not a pity post. I'm writing this to explain why, on the occasional Monday, there might not be a fresh post for you to read for a while. I anticipate that most weeks will allow me to write something (next week's is already written), but it's all pretty much a mystery to me right now so I can't make any promises.

One thing I will ask: Please don't tell me you'll be praying for me. I'm an atheist and while I realize your sentiment would be pure and warm, the gesture would be one that would make you feel better and would invalidate my belief system. It would be as if I'd found out you had some great difficulty in your life and responded by sending you an email saying there is no supreme being in the hope that would make you feel better. I'm not saying you shouldn't pray; I'm asking you to follow your own heart and do as you will, but please don't tell me about it.

Other than that, thanks for paying attention. This is something I'd hoped I would be able to avoid in this life, but it was not to be. That's okay. I'll get through it and make it to the other side when I'll be healthy again. Right now I feel just fine, thanks. Some days I'll continue to do so. On other occasions I guess I won't. But by the time June 1 rolls around, I'm expecting to feel like myself again and have no cancer in my body. 

The hair will come back later, but it'll come back. And it better be curly.

 

Pitchers and catchers will report in 8 days. You can't possibly imagine how I'm looking forward to it.

Comments

[Erin James]

I hope you'll be one of those lucky few who are not adversely affected by the chemo. Good luck, Jeff.

[carlbrookins]

Hey, friend, take care of yourself and concentrate on healing the body. (Seriously) It may seem an obvious idea, but concentrating your body's mental resources on healing can do wonders. Forget about politics and the world, reduce other stresses as much as possible. Become selfish and self-centered for a time.We'll find you healed on the other side of the wall.

[Lynne Patrick]

The hair will come back curly, Jeff, but better be prepared for it to come back white!
I won't pray, but is it OK to send positive energy vibes in your direction?

[Aimee]

*hug*

[Jeff Cohen]

I've been expecting it to be white since I turned 40, Lynne. That's not scaring me.

[Jeff Cohen]

Thanks, Carl. I'll do what I can. But these days you can't escape "stresses" entirely.

[Joni Langevoort]

Oh man, you without curly hair? Nah, it'll still be curly. But however you look at it, you're gonna be as fabulous as ever, and you can see June 1 on the horizon. Sending good thoughts and hugs, you got this.

[ElaineViets]

Aw, hell, Jeff. I'm sorry.

[Jeff Cohen]

Can’t see how it’s your fault, Elaine, but thanks.

[Anne Louise Bannon]

As I understand it, it's knowing that folks are thinking of you kindly that's behind why prayers seem to help, even when you're an atheist. So, though I do not wish to impose my belief system on you, I want you to know that you are thought of with kindness and many wishes for an uneventful and speedy recovery. I promise not to pray.

[KnyttWytch]

Just to say I hope it goes well and I'll be thinking of you (hugs)

[Jeff Cohen]

Again, I’m not asking anybody not to pray. That’s your business. What I’m asking is you don’t tell me about it.

[Alice Duncan]

Best of luck, Jeff! Sounds like your oncologist knows what he (or she) is talking about, so I expect you'll be better, if not soon, then eventually.

[Jeff Cohen]

Yes I do, and now I have to get rid of it. Thanks, Joni.

[Brooke Bumgardner]

All good thoughts your way. <3

[Jeff Cohen]

Thank you, Brooke!

[Jeff Cohen]

Thank you!

[Jeff Cohen]

Thanks, Alice. That’s the plan.

[Patty]

One of the rotten things about life, it sneaks up and kicks you when you least expect it. I'll thing good healing thoughts for you. I'll even make the ultimate sacrifice, I'll root for the Yankees for you (maybe)

[Jeff Cohen]

This year, rooting for the Yankees will be an academic exercise, but I appreciate the sentiment. Thank you!

[Cindy Sample]

So sorry to hear the news, Jeff, but I think your great sense of humor will get you through this. And make it a priority. Sending a long distance hug to you!

[Crystal Toller]

Hug, Jeff. Good luck to you.

[Jeff Cohen]

Thanks, Cindy! I’ll try!

[Jeff Cohen]

Thanks, Crystal!

[[email protected]]

Sending you my best wishes, Jeff. I'll be hoping that the chemo goes easy on you and that you grow back a big bush of curly hair. (((hugs)))